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New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/6/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Have been reading posts here for a while but have only had the courage to post once before.  Might be useful to tell you guys 'my story'.  Have suffered from bad anxiety for 2 years now and I am currently on paroxetine (Seroxat?) 30 mg once a day.  I have quite a lot of health concerns as I have cystic fibrosis and feel a lot of my axiety started around worries regarding my health, even though at the time I didn't realise I suppose.  I also still feel deepdown that I don't really know all the reasons why I start panicking and feel anxious.  Sometimes I start getting anxious when there seems to be no real legitimate reason at all.
Basically it all started two years ago around Xmas time and I had the worst tiime ever! Really though I was going crazy!  I started obsessing about things and worrying over absolutely everything.  I was anxious that I had left appliancec etc on and would need to check things and taps etc.  My wonderful fiance although he found it hard was so supportive even though he felt i did push him away to run to my parents, which i know hurt him a lot.  So basically I put my family through months of hell - I am so close to my parents and sister and I no it upset them as they could see me suffering and could do nothing to help me.  Throughout they have been so supportive and I think thats why Im feeling so guilty about all of this.
Started seeing a psychologist through my CF team and that did help some.  Had ups and downs since then and again in Xmas 2006 had a slight 'blip' around Xmas where again I was quite anxious, although somewhat better than that first year.
Now 2007 has been a somewhat better year where I've felt less anxious and started to be more like the person I really am.  Have felt more stable and actually had a brilliant Xmas and New Year, which surpirsed me.  The last couple of days however I have started getting that horrible sick feeling back and find that I'm starting to panic over things again.  Have been worrying about what mail comes through the door etc and going back to obsessing over the same old things.  Tonight had friends around and found myself back in the mode where I am really edgey and feel like if I have something in my head to say I have to get it out or I feel really anxious.  Guess I'm just feeeling rotten as for I while I though I was over all this panic/anxiety stuff and feel like I can't go through it all again as Im not strong enough and I know my family can't take this again.  Its strange because for a lot of people when their anxious they just want to be left alone, but as soon as I get anxious I hate being alone, feel I can't cope without having someone there or being away from the house doing something. 
Guess Im just lookignfor some support as feeliing really bad right now.  Sorry this has turned into a ramble!
L x

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/6/2008 6:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry you are going thru this again
Many of us do relapse and go back into our old ways
With chronic illness I find that many have a/p issues but some more than others or the others dont want to talk about it or face it yet ya know
I am sure that you have talked to your doc abput this
IS there something he can give you when you are really anxious to help along with the many self help tech's this might be beneficial for you for a short period of time
Read other threads and also check out the resources
CBT and Claire Weekes is good to check inot IMHO''
I am sure more will answer your post and HEY vent anytime thats why we are here.........
Thoughts and all the best to you

Keep us posted
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        Moderator for Alzheimers,Anxiety/Panic and co Moderator for Crohns

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/6/2008 7:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey there, sorry this is happening but I do not think you will find a better group of people than right here in this forum to support you.
We are here for you so keep on posting your feelings. I have experienced the very same think, just keep working on staying in the moment. 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/6/2008 7:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Rambling is just fine!! It helps us get our thoughts out.  ramble at will!! I too, need to be near my family/friends when I'm really anxious so don't feel wierd about that.  I feel there is safety in numbers.

I've had many panic "episodes" I guess I would call them, go on to recover and then it all comes back WHAM.  I wish I had better news but anxiety/panic can be a cycle we sometimes fall into.  With practice (and counselling I found) the cycles become easier to identify, before you "spin" into that horrible anxiety state.  I suggest you focus on how you "got out" of your last anxiety episode and try and stay positive.  It will pass.  It always passes. Keep us posted about how you are doing :-)

I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 

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