so my attempt at a blog was a flop, mostly because over the summer i really got a feel for the power of the internet, and i don't so much feel like openly disclosing myself to quite so many people it can be overwhelming and it works for some people but not for me. That's also part of the reason i haven't been back in a while, you see this summer i was pretty much living online and it worked at the time so no serious complaints, but it wasn't a viable long term arrangement. Then this semester i starting thinking about how scary it is that people who's faces you have never seen can just sit there reading your thoughts and it freaked me out. I had a fight with one of my online friends that i have shared a great deal with over the years. It was irrelevant but i thought about never talking to him again because everything just seemed so strange and i was confused ever since he told me that he liked me "that way". I didn't know what to think and it just freaked me out and even talking to him just terrified me. I didn't talk to him for three days and the last week i panicked realy bad every day but i didn't want to come here. I kept thinking i'd be stronger if i didn't ask for any help at all but the real reason was with the internet and everything. I'm not afraid of the internet i'm just learning to use it with more caucion. I couldn't do it alone so i called my mom and my sister a lot and it got better after a few days. I don't know if it was their advice or if it just ran it's course. I'm over the worst of it now, i'm only a little bit jittery. i'm sorry that this doesn't flow too well but it was a lot to catch up on in one post. I hope that everyone here has been well, despite that i have never seen your faces and i don't know most of your names i feel a community with you all and i know that we are here for each other.
Oh and i did end up talking to my friend today and i think everything will be OK, but like my sister says all friendships change, and ours might have to change just because i don't feel the same way as him and he knows that
Panic journal; the exciting and fun to read conicals of my triumph over GAD
formerly an*** (had to change name to change sig, due to updated screening not that it meant anything obscene to me)