My anxiety seems to be getting worse. Work is really stressful because there's so much to do and I'm new there so I'm a bit slower than they require. I've got it into my head that my boyfriend will dump me and it's affecting me so much that I can't bring myself to eat because I just don't have any kind of appetite. On the bus today on the way home from work he sent me a text message and I read it then put my phone back in my handbag. Then a couple of minutes later I thought, "Was that real, did that happen?" and I generally couldn't work out whether it had been real or not and felt really confused. On the morning bus on the way to work I was really sleep and kept nearly falling asleep and once when I nearly dropped off I heard his voice in my head telling me that it was Friday and I could go stay over with him if I wanted. I jerked back to reality when this happened and didn't close my eyes again because it scared me.
I spent most of yesterday evening crying and feeling so low because I'm fed up of the constant adrenaline in me that seems to make me imagine the worst all the time and make me fear things. I want to be calm so badly. I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend about this, he doesn't know I have such problems, but even after nearly 6 months we've never spoken about anything very deep or personal. I'm starting to think I need to see a doctor because I'm starting to scare myself and it's all becoming too much. I just don't know how to pick myself up and address what's wrong because I don't really know, I've always been on edge. Even as a child I was scared and nervous of everything.