Hey its "LilLostGrl"...I'm back

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/2/2008 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
So tomorrow I will have officially been in California for an entire month. 3,000 miles from everyone I know and love, living basically on my own and working 40+ hours a week. I'm really proud of myself for making it this far! There was a time when just GETTING to California seemed completely impossible. I'm taking 40mg Celexa every night as well as .25mg Klonopin in the AM and the PM. It seems to be working okay. Sometimes, though, I still do have panic attacks. They aren't SEVERE and don't last terribly long, but they come on much more suddenly and out of the blue than I am used to. I know I've made improvements...For the 6 weeks before I came back out here, I averaged anywhere from 1-5 panic attacks every day. In the month I have been here in California I have had 5 panic attacks TOTAL. Week One I had 2 PA's, Week Two I had 1 PA, Week Three I had ZERO PA's, and this last week I had 2 PA's. I found that they are triggered when I am not feeling well or having a tough day from homesickness. I'm upset because I thought they were GONE and now this week hasn't gone as well as usual. Today has been a pretty icky day. No panic attacks, but just that "on edge" feeling for most of the day. I'm wondering if it could have to do with my diet? I gave up soda and didn't even have a sip from November 1st until 2 weeks ago. Now I'm back to having 2-3 sodas a week. Could this small amount be impacting my anxiety? I also had cut out salt from my diet and went back to using salt/eating salty foods again. Also, I have a location shoot I'm supposed to go on this coming Tuesday that is bringing me anxiety. On normal work days I hop on a bus and am at work in 10 minutes. I could walk to and from work if I so chose. But this location shoot is about 30 minutes away and I have to rely on a co-worker driving me to and from the studio. I have been so excited about going that it didn't hit me until today to be anxious about it. I won't know the area, where the bathrooms are, what exactly I'm going to be doing, how long my work day will be, not to mention if I have a bad panic attack I have no escape options (such as hopping on a bus to head home for the day). I hate that I have gotten back into this "headspace" again. Does it seem like I am regressing and it will get worse? Or am I just having an icky day of anxiety? Anyway, any feedback or support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and hope you are all well!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/3/2008 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
HI Lost girl I found your story very interesting!!! First of all i commend you for even going all the way to cali by yourself as that is a big step for a person with P/A!! I havent been able to travel in about 5 years.The thought of taking a 1 hour trip gives me goose bumps much less going all the way to cali! I think the sodas could be playing a part in it because when i drink sodas even if its 2-3 weekly i can feel a difference.I start having heart palps and everything.Sounds like to me that you are just going through a rough time right now.With P/A you can be on a roll and not have any attacks for weeks even months but all of a sudden out of no where it sneaks up on you again! I wouldnt say you are regressing i just think you took a big step going all that way by yourself with out any family support or anything and your'e probably feeling a little on edge about it, but i think once you get use to being there you will be just fine! I hope so anyway! I admire your courage to just get up and go like that by yourself. Please let me know how you built up the courage to do it!!! Good Luck and i hope you feel better!

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/3/2008 11:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Good to hear from you and so glad things are going well.  I don't know if the sodas are a problem.  I would look more toward that anticipatory anxiety and work on that.  Remember to think....."What is the worse thing that could happen?"  and when you look at it like that then just throw the thought out and go to your shoot or whatever it is at the time.
You have been doing well so stay in the moment, use that Klonopin when you need to and most of all enjoy the sunshine of sunny LA.
Hugs to you.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

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