Dear Anastasia, I really feel for you. Oh, just know that you are receiving a big virtual hug. Your panic attacks sound in some ways similar to mine. When they were occuring more often, I had a constant feeling that my chest was tight and that someone was standing on my chest or something, like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs, also heart palpitations, head pains, pressure, popping ears--everything to make you feel like you are dying, but as many will tell you, you won't! People telling me that alone made me feel so much better. Btw, my chest tension and frequency of palpitations have reduced with exercise I have found--I am no athlete at all but I just started running 20 min. a day b/c I was so desparate to break out of this. I am also wondering if changing my diet (less sugar and carbs, no caffeine, but mainly just less sugar) is also helping.
I have health anxiety too, so I have felt like going to the ER many times, but I still haven't, if that also makes you feel any better. I have a friend who also developed heavy depression and axiety both times she was pregnant, that took a few years to get under control, because let's face it, having a young child both physically (recovery, shifting hormones, lack of sleep) and mentally (the daunting task of motherhood) is very, very challenging. I think I had PPD (or some form of blues) for about 8-9 months after delivery. I am only starting to feel normal again 1 year after stopping breastfeeding. You really should get a metal for the progress you have made so far!
I am so sorry you find it hard to make it from one moment to the next, I have also been there. The only way I managed to pull myself forward and out of the hole little by little was cheering myself up by talking to friends and focusing on spending quality time with my children, who really need me to be all there for them. Although difficult, sometimes that is enough to get me through. And what might make you feel better, when you can manage the expense or to get insurance, is to make dr. appts. to discuss all your little ailments. Each time I have a health professional tell me I'm going to be fine, I just feel a little bit better.
Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel,