The past few days have been so tough for me as in our family we have had some major upsets. To fully understand the situation, you have to know that my family is very fractured, there are 8 of us kids total I'm the youngest. I speak frequently to my oldest sister who is 20 years older than me, but don't speak at all to the next three oldest, their choice to not have any contact with anyone in the family. The next three family members I speak to very rarely. It isn't my choice to not speak to anyone, it's kind of just the way it is with my family. My mother is awful and has treated all of us very abusively, we all have our scars and I guess that separating is just everyone's way of dealing. I've always hated it, felt very abandoned by everyone and have dealt with it extensively in therapy.
Anyway, with that said, last week one of my sisters (one that I talk to rarely) had her house broken into, while they were at work, and they were robbed. My mother called to tell me and I immediately called my sister to tell her how sorry I was that that had happened and that if she needed anything or wanted to talk I was here. She was really nice about it, which I have to say surprised me, she even told my mom that she was surprised that I called and thought it was so sweet of me. It's really been bothering me on several levels, one it scares the life out of me that it will happen to us...this isn't a new fear, just seems more real since it happened to them. The other thing is that I've heard from my mother that my sister is afraid to be home alone and doesn't go home after work until her husband is there and when she was home sick yesterday made her husband stay home with her. I want to reach out to her, but have been rejected so many times that I'm afraid to again...any thoughts?
Second thing that happened is worse, and I'm having much more of a struggle with it. On Saturday my oldest sister called for our usual weekend chat, she was crying and very upset. She told me that another one of my sisters, one who pretty much left the family 30 years ago, is dying of cancer. It's bad and she was told that if she makes it through the summer she will be lucky. Knowing this has been awful! First of all I feel horrible for her as I would for anyone with cancer. Again, I want to reach out, but have not talked to her since age 11, don't know her at all, and my oldest sister says she does not want to hear from anyone in the family, and I don't want to upset her or give her anything more to deal with at this point. It's really hurting me that my family is so broken and this just brings that home. I know that right now I have to remember that this is not about me, not about how I feel, and I need to respect her wishes, it's just hard when I can't be there for her...even though we've never spoken as adults, she is still my sister and I still care.
I'm not posting here looking for sympathy, if anything please send up a prayer for my sisters. I guess maybe I just need someone elses perspective or just needed to put this out there and vent a bit. Any thoughts would be appreciated!