Afraid of being alone, the root cause of my anxiety

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 3/11/2008 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey im gona be really honest here, i jus wana get it off my chest. This the root cause of most my anxiety
Wen i was little my had series of nervous breakdowns and it was like she repeatedly abandoned me over n over again.  So i hav never had real relationship wiv my mum. I hav never had a hug and she has never told tht she loves me or vice versa.
Neways wen i was 21 i finally met a girl who I cud trust it was a real breakthrough, I really opened upto her. I never usualy trust women and have very few female friends. Neways 11months in to our relationship she decided tht she didn't lov me nemor. This was after i had really bad week wiv anxiety/depression and i needed her alot. As time has gone on she's decided she does stil love me and im the one she is going to marry but she doesn't want serious n wht wud be long distance relationship rite now. I dnt kno wht to think. All i kno is once again it feels like a woman has abandoned me coz i was unable to live upto expectations. Im really worried i'l never be able to get over her, or she wil continue to walk all over me. She not a heartless person n she has continued o be ther for me but i feel if i turn to her then i lessen our chance of getting bck together. Tht wher u ppl come in coz instaed of her i turn to you now.
My biggest fear in the whole is being alone, believe i or not im not the love sick puppy type and i refuse to treat her mean to keep her keen. I jus fear tht my anxiety bout woman abandoning me wil ruin future relationships coz i wil always be expecting it to happen. The whole situation is really messed up tbh.
Hey Ant, I edited out one sentence as we do have members as young as 13 on the boards. Thanks for understanding.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 3/11/2008 5:45:31 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 3/11/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I think the hardest relatioship that anyone can have is the one with themself. I think in general we rely to much on other people to make us feel secure. (or at least I used to) When I used to have panic attacks I would immediatley want to be around someone that I trusted and the thought of being alone while having anxeity was terrifing.

Ive realized that no matter what the only one we can count on is ourselves. Wheather things work out for you and this girl it has nothing to do with someone wanting to abandon you. it just means that you were not right for each other. You will find someone else. There is always another person in your future.

Always be who you are ... anxeity or not. The right person will love all of you. And the ones that judge or cant deal are usually unwilling to admit to there struggles inside.

Youll be okay ... with or without this girl. Just dont stay in a relationship that hurts most of the time. And dont be afraid of being with yourself.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 3/11/2008 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Staying or not is one issue but relationship is working hard to make each other happy,it should not be full time work but needs effort and honesty from both ppl.Your anxiety about women abandoning you needs to be worked on ,you should tell her your real feelings and how you felt in past when she walked out on you and how hurtful it was.If she loves you ,she needs to understand that's childish and hurtful and should not be repeated .

Forming a relationship with someone is easy and exiting can be easy for some ppl but hardest challenge is to maintain a relationship among all of this turmoil without taking each other for granted .She takes you for granted which her actions show ,or maybe she got annoyed on something serious you did.Look into reasons and have a heart to heart talk to her.

Relationship is always mutual ,not 1 way street .

Let her know you are important person made of flesh and blood and emotions with many flaws(nobody is perfect ,is she ) which she will care about only if she loves you and wants to work out things along with you for better or worse.

Good luck !!!!
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~

Post Edited (yana21) : 3/11/2008 11:58:41 AM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/11/2008 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey Ant,

Is your concern  you  wonder if it is possible to rebuild trust in someone who disappointed you  greatly? Trust means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Your Mother did not instill trust in you as a child and now you struggle as an adult.

You can rebuild trust in broken relationships when you make a choice to do so. 

You need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person's character, needs, motivations and fears.

I would really like to see you talking with a therapist about your fears.  Anytime you trust you also have to accept that you are putting yourself at risk for hurt, but if you want to live a full life you sometimes have to take chances.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

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