I have been going to a counselor for the first time in my life to deal with childhood sexual abuse. I can remember everything up to the point where it was actually happening, then its as if I blacked out.
My cousnselor says now that I am talking about it these memories may begin to pop up anywhere at anytime, even in dreams.
When I was a teenager, I went through extreme turmoil. It started off as anxiety, then lead to being a hypocondriac, then to panic attacks, then to agoraphobia, I did not even want to leave my house. If I ventured out to a friends I would have there mom bring me home because I felt like something was going to happen. My parents told me I was just being rediculous and never took me to see anyone. So I lived it out alone. I would see my friends and siblings walk to the local pool and want to go so bad, so I would start to walk with them, then turn around, cause I couldn't do it.
After making it a few more steps each day, I finally made it. And I learned to have the greatest time. It took doing this with everything, cause no one else would help me. It took me about a year and then I became quite confident. Could go all over. I just learned to talk myself out of the panic. Told myself its silly, its all in my head, I'm going to be fine etc...Somehow it worked. But I must say when I was in it...it was the scariest and most real thing in the world to me.
Anyways, I say all that to say. Now that I have just started talking to a counselor about the abuse I have been feeling more on edge, and anxious. Not to the panic point yet, but sometimes I feel it start and begin to talk myself out ot it, knowing I am really ok and if worse comes to worse, I pass out and my body does its thing and brings me back too. All I can say is thank God my body doesn't count on me for breathing and heart pumping. It does it all on its own.
Since I saw my counselor again this past Tuesday and shared one of my abuse incidents. I began waking up at night, which I hardly ever do. I hardley ever even remember a dream. Tuesday night it I woke up 4-5 times not from dreaming but was all tense, then the past two nights I had the strangest dreams that woke me up, again I was all tense and had the biggest headache.
Hs anyone else expereinced this before? The dreams were not terrible abuse dreams, but they were dreams of intrusion so to speak but not sexual.