I finally thought things were going right, my panic attacks had cut right down, i got a new job, i felt uplifted, things seemed ok. But suddenly things have took a dive and it leaves me wondering if things can ever go right, and stay right. I work at an old people's dementia ward, which is obviously really sad and destressing. There is a lot of flu bugs and things going round all the time because its so hot there and the people are sick. I think i have picked up a bug of some sort and it made me feel sick and tired, but i automatically started getting scared that i was getting sick with anxiety again, and then i started feeling worse because i was so worried about being worried and getting ill - does that make ANY sense?
I seem to be so disjointed from reality all the time, ALL the time. Like the saddest thing can happen and its like i don't even realise, but i react by kind of going into this dream world where i don't really exsist and nothing really exists. I feel like i haven't really been real for - well longer then i can remember. I don't actually have a clue who i am anymore.
I hate my job so much, and i'm only working there for 12 more weeks before moving to London, but it has kind of triggered this obsession. I have put all my hopes on this one person, and to be honest they don't really know i exsist, i don;t even know why i'm writing this. I just feel so desperate to be wanted, i find myself talking to all the wrong people about all the wrong things and its like its this other person in my body that i have no controll over.
I can't see my doctor because she just told me to see my therapist, but i can't see him because there is a 6 week wait and i don;t have a regular work schedual. I really want to be sent to a psychologist, to see if there is a possibility of borderline personality or Schizotypal disorder. I'm not afraid of lables i just want whatever is wrong with me to be diagnosed, so i can get further help. I already take 2 prozac a day for panic disorder, but obviously its not enough.
HELP HELP HELP