A few of you might remember me. I posted hear last year right before I turned 16. A few of you might remember me. Here is the link to my first thread:
Now Its a year and a month later, a lot has changed. I have become 17. My grades in school have dramatically increased (87.5% average). I managed to hold down a nice job in the summer, stayed out of trouble and have tried my best to keep healthy.
But the panic symptoms are still lingering. A week ago, everything came full circlle. I remember when I first starting having panic attacks I used to have a fear of a heart attack. Now im past that fear, but it has shaped the way I eat. I have lost a lot of wieght but I started to realize I was starving myself. When I had paniac attacks my stomach would be turning (I've always assumed it was bleeding because there has been blood in my waste a few times). I've also always had a lot of gas. So I figured if I started eating 3 solid meals a day again (I used to eat 3 but it was very small meals, I realized it wasn't nearly enough) and making sure I was full at all times I would be fine. Sure enough things began to change.
So as of last Saturday I began eating 3 meals a day. The last week has been the best week ive had since I was about
13 years old. All smiles, hanging out with my friends, doing good on my school work and just enjoying life to its fullest. I was able to go to the barbershop without a panic attack. I was able to go to the store without an attack. I could sit ain car without looking at my hands in panic. I could shake someones hands without having sweaty palms. I could converse with my ladies without feeling nervous. I felt I was finally back. I felt as if I was me again. I felt my whole life had come full circle back to where I wanted.
It was all good until today. I was sitting in church when the pastor was preaching. For some reason he mentioned something about
"If the person your talking to can't look you in the eyes, they have issues". Immediately my stomach began to hurt. I began to shake it off, but things got worse. I felt heavy. I looked at my hands they were sweating. I felt as If I was on the verge of passing out. For some reason I have always had a fear of passing out during the panic attack. It's like now when I have them I kno wits a panic attack and nothings going to happen that I can't overcome but yet they still happen. I haven't had a panic attack in about
1 week. I told my mother I had to use the washroom and sure enough when I went, I was fine.
Why did I just have a paniac attack? I was doing so good. I had a nice breakfast and was full. Although I feel kind of "shook up" about
the situation, I can see some positives out of it. I had no tears which was different because usually my eyes water after the attack. Plus my stomach did not turn.
Is this just the final attack I must overcome in order to move on? Or am I just dragging myself back into the whole I climbed out. I dont feel as bad as I usually do after the attack so that must be a good sign.
Anyone have any advice in what I should do to overcome this? I prefer not to take meds or go to the doctor. I have this desire inside of me to beat this without medication. I know its possible. Over the years I have stopped getting worried about
a lot of stuff and right now I feel I am (or was) at the best point i've been in years.
Sorry for the long piece of writting but I had to get this all out! I dont want to lose this battle, I refuse to lose it. I have so much potential to go up but this aniexty is holding me down. Please someone shed some light as to what I should do!
And if your reading this Rock50 or Howlnycat, if you could reply that would be great. Your advice helped me a lot last time.
And if anyone reply's thank you so much for taking the time to read and help me!
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake
Post Edited (Jats) : 4/7/2008 3:37:11 PM (GMT-6)