Just need to vent. I was doing well on Lexapro for a while, sleeping well, no side effects. But it seems not to be lasting :( I am back to having night sweats and crazy dreams and feeling exausted and sick during the day. I at this moment feel like I don't even care if I wake up in the morning, except that I look at my darn dog and think I can't leave her.
I have taken 2.5 mgs of Klonopin today...which I am supposed to be weaning off of, not because I feel panicky, but because I feel like I might break down and cry and I have to make it through work at least masqurading as a normal individivdual. Every one thinks I am totally normal, even strong. But what happens when the strong need to be weak.
I ramble, my employer is really big on blood drives...I can't give blood because of the medication I am taking, and I feel it is no ones buisness. I wish I could let them know to stop pressuring me without blurting out "I am on a ton of medication because apparently I am crazy, believe it or not!"
I am tired of faking it, in the past when I felt like crap I just put on a happy face and acted like everyone expected me to act, even though inside I felt like I had died and was just puppeteering. That time is over, if everyone else can be moody, so can I. When I feel like crap, I will feel like crap.
Anyway, thanks for reading, I know...I know...go see my Dr. I will. She will just give me another sleep med, althought I am running out of ones to try, and they all make me feel bad, Klonopin is the only thing that has worked and it sure don't work like it used to. She will also say to raise the Lex, already done, 20mgs, highest dose. For someone in the past that could barely tolerate an asprin I sure can handle massive amounts of drugs these days.
I am going to take some Amitriptilyne tonight, I have has some success with it in the past...but I thought I was "past" this. Why can't things be good forever?