Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond to my post. I spent a lot of the night and early morning thinking about your suggestions and they truly helped.
I did make it through the night last night --and I did not take the Zyprexa. I met with my therapist (who is my prescribing A.P.R.N.) this afternoon and we had a long talk about it. I told her that I was really afraid of taking it after reading the enclosed pamphlet and hearing negative comments from others. She basically restated some of what she told me last time we briefly talked about it. In regards to my two concerns about weight gain and issues such as developing diabetes, she told me that the dose that she is prescribing for me (i.e. 5 mg / I need to cut the tablet in half) is so low that she does not feel that I should be concerned about it. She indicated that these warnings would become issues in those taking higher dosages. She reinforced that she thinks I need to be on it at this time and until the stress in my life (i.e. school, my children always getting sick and my family) begins to lessen. And that I should keep a positive attitude that when I graduate (and she is sure that I will graduate) things will get better. So, to wrap it up, I guess I just need to trust her on this and take the Zyprexa. ..I must admit that I am still scared of it but I trust her so I will. I'll take my first dose before I go to bed later tonight. And she has promised that as long as she keeps receiving samples of Zyprexa and Cymbalta (which I also take) from the sales reps she will keep providing them to me so that I don't have to worry about having to pay for them at this point.
In the meanwhile, she has instructed me to stay focused. I did not get any of my school work done last night and at 8:00 pm I am restarting now. It is all due late Saturday evening when my class ends. Based on forum remarks from the last few assignments, I am 97% positive that my professor has written me off; because out of 8 weeks, I have only handed work in from week 5. Thus, I need to get about 7 assignments done by noon tomorrow before I call her and see if I can convince her to accept it and possibly grant me an extension to Tuesday morning to finish it up. I'm afraid if I call her now before I hand work in she will pull the plug on me and I don't want to fail another class.
The thing is...I always get A's on the assignments that I hand in. I love analyzing and writing so I always do well. For me the whole problem is staying focused and not letting my depression and anxiety and financial issues get the best of me. Because when this happens I freeze and then fail and I cannot afford to fail this class again too.
Last..thank you Kitt for also responding back to me today. I was scared of Lamictal too because of the rash. But I was told that you need to start off at a low dosage and very slowly increase the dosage until you are where you need to be. Rashes have only been observed in the beginning stages and only when someone starts off with a high dose or increases very quickly. I get extremely dizzy when I take the Lamictal and it also makes me very drowsy. That's why I always took it at night.
I am so sorry that I wrote so much here. And if any of you are good about saying prayers...could you find a few seconds to ask for some inspiration and strength for me to get through the next few days??