Hi there guys. I haven't posted on the wonderful anxiety board in a while. I have been doing better with the help of Klonopin, and Effexor XR. I am in no way, shape or form agoraphobic anymore. I come and go as I please, which is a very comforting feeling.
My panic attacks are pretty minimal, though they do still come about once in a while. I am doing good in controlling them though, as they are no longer controlling my life the way they once were.
I have been feeling pretty good for the past few months, so I decided that I am once and for all, ready to go back to work. I decided to start at part time. My profession is nursing, but I was a little leery about going into a hospital or nursing home again, for the fear of the panic attack. I decided to go with home health care on a part time basis. I figured with home health care, I can kinda come and go more so than if I am stuck in a building. So, I did end up getting a job. The orientation will be taking place within the next week, and then off to work I go.
Well, I also felt that I wanted to do some volunteer work, because I want to get more experience, and helping people out is something I love to do. So, I applied to be a hospice volunteer. I figured hospice is a great place to go because I have experience working with hospice patients from the nursing home, and it would be a very rewarding feeling to work with them. So, I filled out a very long application for hopice, and sent it in. It asks all kinds of things about yourself, including if you haven't been working for a lenghty period of time, what is the reason. I am a very honest person, and have nothing to hide. In the past year or so, I have had a tough time with anxiety, and panic attacks, and I felt that I didn't have to hide that from anyone, and that they would appriciate my total honesty. Well, this morning, I got an email, and I don't think it was meant for me. It was from one hospice director to another saying this...
We recieved Tammy's application to be a hospice volunteer today, and before anyone contacts her, I want you to have a look at her application, she seems to be a "red" flag. Thank you.
So, I replied to the woman who did this email, and asked her why this came to me, and why she feels I am a "red" flag.
She replied back with...
I don't know why this came to you. I described you as a "red" flag because you have recently experienced death, therefore, hospice may be a bit much for you to deal with right now. Don't take what I said personally.
I replied back with...
I can't help but take what you said personally, as what you said is about me. Also, I haven't experienced death in about 2 years, and death is a part of life. If I felt I couldn't handle dealing with death, I would not have applied for this position. I am very interested in volunteering for your company, and I wish I was not looked at as a "red" flag. I have been in nursing for several years, and have dealt with death on more occasions than one. I know what I am capable of dealing with. Thank you for your time.
I don't believe that calling me a "red" flag had anything to do with my expiereincing death recently, because as I said before, I haven't experienced the death of someone close to me in around 2 years. I strongly believe the "red" flag comes from my honesty about my anxiety issues, which I expressed were comepletely under control, and have been for several months. I expressed that I wouldn't go back into the world until I felt ready, and I am ready.
I guess this is more of a vent than anything, and I do apologize for the length. I guess I am being forced to feel like I should "hide" my "mental" issues, and that I shouldnt' be honest about them, and that isn't fair. Maybe I am wrong here, but I feel that my anxiety is putting up this flag to this woman, and that shouldn't be the case. I think everyone deals with all sorts of mental issues, like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and so forth, and no one should have to hide them, or be judged on them.
Does anyone else agree that the "red" flag has to do with my anxiety and panic attacks that I was so honest about? Or, am I over reacting here?
I don't even feel like I want to volunteer for these people anymore, and that makes me sad, because I was very excited to do it.
I also know that email was not meant to go to me. I was never meant to see that.
Well, thanks for listening everyone, and I hope you are all doing well!
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Diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Panic Attacks.
Clickable Link that may be of interest to some...as I find I often like to check drug interactions...Drug Interactions