Feeling so sad.

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/21/2008 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
It's been such a weird couple of weeks for me.  The worst has happened, my sister died of cancer last Thursday.  It's been tough to handle. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in 30 years, it was her choice to not have anything to do with anyone in my family except my oldest sister Patte, so I guess I don't know how to feel, sometimes it makes me so sad, she was still my sister, and I guess I always hoped for 'someday' when we would all come back together as a family (I have several siblings who have chosen to have no contact with the family because of my mother), and sometimes I'm angry that she never tried to contact me or didn't want anything to do with me...I was 12 when she departed from the family and I did try to contact her.  It's just been so confusing emotionally.  Maybe I'm mourning the 'someday' part as much as the loss of a sister?
On the flip side, my sister Patte, who lives in TX came here to be with my sister in her last days.  I haven't seen Patte in 12 years, we are extremely close, talk on the phone all the time and she's kind of like a mother to me as well.  I didn't know she was here until Thursday when she called to tell me about my sisters death and then she casually mentioned that she was here.  So being terribly saddened over my sister and then being thrilled that Patte was here all in the span of one minute.  Talk about head spinning!  I did get to spend Friday and Saturday all day with her and her husband, did some major retail therapy.   It was just so amazing to see her, I never thought I would again as she does not travel and of course I don't because of the P/A. 
Now everything has gone back to normal, the house is too quiet and I'm feeling so sad over my sisters death and my other sister going back home.  Guess I just needed to share...thanks for listening.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 5/21/2008 10:10 PM (GMT -6)   
i know how you feel my parents had a fight with my grandparents and i didn't to see them for 10 years i was 6 and when i did get to see her again she had terminal breast cancer and died a month later, you feel so cheated. i am so sorry for you loosing your sister , maybe you have a chance to make a new beginning with your sister patte, truly sorry for your loss your in my prayers.

take care

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 5/21/2008 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Junebug,

I am so sorry for the loss that you have suffered. Just remember that she is still with you, just in a different way. Try to look at your time that you spent with your other sister. Keep the memories and cherrish them.

You will get things back to normal soon. Maybe this is just a time to grieve. And there is no time limit on that. Do what is right for you. But mostly think of the good times with your sister Patte.

I am sorry for the distance in your family. My family was the same due to my mother also. She liked to keep animosity going on between everybody. We just didn't realize what she was doing at the time. Now both of my sisters have died (at a young age) and my mother is gone also. But I do have memories and a lot of them good that I hang on to. You will do the same.

Luv and hugs, Karen
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/22/2008 3:05 AM (GMT -6)   

Hey Junebug, I'm sorry for your loss.  I understand what it feels like to mourn "what could have been".  I know what a great person you are and I'm sure that she would have loved you if she was in the right " mental space" to contact you.  Hopefully in her spirit she knows that you care even if you didn't get the chance to share it.  I hope this makes sense. Sounds like Patte is a gem, I hope you really enjoy your time together while she visits.

hugs for you honey.

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
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Honey Bee
Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/22/2008 5:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Junebug

So sorry to hear about the loss of your sister but at least you got to spend some time with Patte which is a blessing.

Like others have said family relationships can be a nightmare and very complicated. I have a sister who is 2 years younger than me who has not spoken to me (her choice) since I moved from the UK to Australia 5 years ago. I do not know why and to be honest have stopped worrying about it, it is her that has the issue not me. Sometimes you just have to accept that people are not in the right place to contact you and be happy and content that you have done all you can on your part. You cannot change other people and their decisions and the choices they make in life you can only change your reaction and choices so do not worry too much about it.

Hopefully you can continue your relationship with Patte and that a positive can come from the negative of your other sister.

Take care

Honey Bee

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/22/2008 7:54 AM (GMT -6)   

HI Junebug,

First of all, I am so sorry to hear of the death of your sister.  You are grieving and that is good and it is normal.  When someone dies we will mourn for what might have been.  I know exactly how you feel.  You always wonder how things might have been if you had your sister in your life.  You had a dream that someday your family would reunite and with your sister's death that dream has died too. You have my prayers to help you through this sad time.

I am happy that you did get to see your other sister, :-) and mall crawling is great therapy too.

I am glad you can  come here and feel comfortable sharing with your HW family.  We care and we are here for you.



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/22/2008 8:52 AM (GMT -6)   

I'm sorry for your sister's death and for the distance that had been between you and that you're grieving because of now too.

Everyone else has offered great advice, so I'm just sending along lots of sympathetic hugs.

Prayers and blessings,

Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 5/22/2008 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Junebug
I am sorry for the loss of your sister. I understand that loss of those we aren't close to is often worse because we think about "what might have been" had you been close. It must be terrible to lose your sister.

I am glad you had a visit with Patte. She sounds like she's good for you.

Georgie Girl
Georgie Girl

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/23/2008 10:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your kind words and support.  I know that in time things will get better, I just have to work through some of these emotions. 
Karen, your mother sounds alot like mine, she is the catalyst for all the trouble.  She was abusive physically and mentally when all of eight of us were growing up and now likes to keep stirring the pot and keeping all of us apart.  I do still speak to her, but my eyes are wide open to her evil ways, so I keep a good distance emotionally and don't tell her anything important about what's going on in my families life.  I guess I'd always hoped that as my mother got older she'd get better rather than worse, and that eventually all of us "kids" would reunite.  I'm just the super-sensitive one in the family and these things tend to get to me, where everyone else is just fine with it, or seems to be anyway. 
So again, thank you all.  In time it will get better, but I appreciate that I have people here who I can turn too when I need support.  You are all wonderful!

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I too am so sorry for the loss of a sister not just in death but in life as well due to family

I too know it all to well and I wish it was not this way BUT I feel it will never change and I have been burnt too many times offering the hand out to get all back together so I am done ..I was always the "fixer" of everything'

The ball is in their court and has been now for some time........

Again so sorry hun

It will take time but you are right yuou will get thru this
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/24/2008 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   

Lyn's right: it is so important to recognize when you've done all you can to be the peacemaker and uniter. That can only happen if the other people involved are also willing, and when they aren't, you have to convince yourself somehow to let go. Otherwise, you are the one who suffers most from the pain and loss that just never stops under those conditions.

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