TFC - that's nice that you got to have some hubby time yesterday. Did the daddys in your life have a good father's day? Even though you were busy doing things, at least you were with him.
I know what you mean about toxic momma relationships. I can't remember what I've posted about my mother....hmmm....maybe I posted this. Who knows? She and I don't have a good relationship. She is a very vindictive person. I love sweets and every time she would make sweets at home when I was young, I would eat them up. She decided to teach me a lesson so she put x-lax in a batch. I was maybe 14 at the time. Another time I remember her tainting my food was when she made some homemade egg rolls. I loved her egg rolls but I did something to make her mad so she put mushrooms in them, which I don't like. She married my daddy at 16 so I think she missed out on a lot of things that I experience. I always thought she was jealous of me. I'm an only child, too.
I called my daddy yesterday and talked to him. I also probed him about my mom when I was a baby. He said she was a worrier and hardly ever let me get out of her sight. She had me at 19 and according to my dad, she had been on Valium for a long time. I was floored that she was on Valium as a youngster. I also asked if she took it while pregnant with me but he didn't know for sure.
My mom is good about giving guilt trips. Every Christmas, we were expected to come visit (it's about a 4 hour drive so not far). The problem was that within a day of being there with my mom, we were already arguing about something. Or she would cut me down in front of her boyfriend at the time. She still brings up stuff that happened when I was in high school. I've asked her to stop bringing that stuff up but then she'll bring up something else I did. It's never the good stuff I did - always the bad stuff. In reality, it wasn't even bad by today's standards. Stuff like breaking curfew, sneaking out....
So....I got some advice one year that I used. That advice was that if it stresses me out to visit my mom, don't go. Make her come to me. That's exactly what I did and we still end up doing that every now and then. My stress level is much better when I don't have to drive up there.
What's your husband say about your mom and the relationship you have? My husband tells me to not let it get to me but that's easier said than done. Have you ever told your mom how you feel about how she treats you? I tried that before and it didn't go over well with her. She'll bring up something about the way I treated her. One time she even said I wasn't a good daughter because I left home at 19 to join the Air Force.
What are we going to do with our moms?