So confused (rant)

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/13/2008 11:55 PM (GMT -6)   
 Hey, I just need to vent again.  I love that I can do this here.  It seems like I have a talking journal.  So cool!
   Anyway, I am so confused.  I feel so awful all the time, physically and mentally and emotionaly.  I don't know how much longer I can stay in this storm.  And I am now having anxiety about Jesus coming back.  We went to a revival tonight and the preacher kept talking about how everything is pointing to the end of time.  It's not that I don't want Jesus to come back, but I'm scared I wont make heaven.  I'm not really a bad person, and I am close to God but what if?  So I'm confused about God #1.
   Then #2 is, my husband is being really distant lately.  He's working very hard and trying to quit dipping so I know he's stressed and tired.  But I did some "favors" for him the other night because the Aunt Flow was in town and afterwards he acted like I was nothing.  Like he got what he wanted so now he was going to bed.  And I mean immidiately.  I think he may not be attracted to me anymore.  He likes my hair long, I got it cut.  (It's easier to fix, and I like it) He likes my body curvier and I've lost weight.  (eating problem)  He likes sloppy kisses and I don't even like to kiss anymore.  So maybe it's my fault.  But I am trying to be the very best wife I can be.  I do everything for him except "having fun" every time he wants to.  (He's 22)  But the "having fun" has been an issue every since I got pregnant with our son about three years ago.  I love him and need him so much.  There is nothing I can do or say to make him know how much I need him.  He promised to be my best friend when we got married.  But he feels more like my second child.  He makes me feel really bad about myself.  He thinks I'm lazy and stupid.  He has no idea what it takes to be a momma 24/7.  Not to mention all the house work, that I have to do more than once every single day. (our son is 2)  I love what I do.  I love taking care of my family and being at home.  But he resents me for not working.  I can't let someone else raise my son.  That's my job and I love it.  So I'm confused about how to make our marriage better.  Plus we have only enough money to pay the bills and buy groceries so we can't go on dates anymore.  Which is fine with me.  I'm not a material girl.  I like affection, or home made gifts.  So any ideas on what I should do there?
  #3  I think I may be sicker than anyone knows.  I don't tell anyone everything.  I can't.  Nobody, and I mean nobody understands.  I know I have some sort of eating disorder but I can't get help because we don't have the money.  I'm stuck.  What to do???
   Thanks for listening ya'll.  LOVE YA!!!!! 
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/14/2008 12:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Kitt,
I just got your other message on the depression page. I hope what I wrote isn't going to cause any problems. I don't want to do that here. I'm very sorry if you have to edit this page. I love all of ya'll and I just want ya'll to know that I would never do anything purposely to break your rules. Very sorry. I'm actually about to cry. I'm very emotional now. But please let me know if I need to be more brief or change anything. I really appriciate all you do here and I don't want to take up your time where you could be helping other's instead of having to edit my page. Sorry again.
Also, I just wanted to let ya know that I was only trying to share about what has helped me through my depression in the past. Not trying to convert anyone here. So have a good day!! or night I guess. I'm going to bed. LOVE!!!!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/14/2008 3:39 AM (GMT -6)   

Say what you need, as long as it doesn't break our rules you are okay. Okay now?! You are going through a tough patch, and NO you are not a lazy person, you are a hard-working mum, believe that you are doing the best thing you can and the rest will follow.

Eating disorders are VERY insidious. I would love for you to get help, I can help, you can email me anytime. You can go to websites. I am worried. I have been through anorexia and it is so isolating and scary and STRONG. It can take over you. Don't let it. Talk it out, talk to us, talk to me, you don't need expensive counselling for everything, sometimes you just need understanding and support, which is US. Please talk to me about this. ((((hugs of understanding)))) your partner in recovery MEG

I mean that ok.

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/14/2008 6:35 AM (GMT -6)   
THankyou nervymeg, its good to know that I have someone to talk to about this. I have never ever met anyone who has been able to understand this prblm on any level. I will email you later today prbly. I've got to go to the farmers market with my Granny now. (I swear I'm not makin that up, even though it sounds really funny now that I read it.) LOVE and HUGS and THANKS again!!!!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/14/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   


Good Morning and no tears over my comments, they were simply FYI for future posts.  I was not criticizing you at all.  I read each post and my mind just automatically notes anything getting close to breaching rules. I did not take anything out of your post :)
Now, yes we have a farmers market so I am in tune with you there.  :-)

I know we have others on the forums that have eating disorders so hopefully they will read your post too.  I do understand your problem.
I am going to give you the link to a Eating Disorder Site that also has a board where you may find some answers or read what others have to say about their disorders.
Something Fishy Website on Eating Disorders Top Rated  You can just click on link and you will go right to site.
You are a wonderful person so please stop letting your hubby or anyone from telling you who you are.
We believe in you here and we support you.  We accept you as you are and please stick with us but do check out the above site.
Many gentle hugs to you and bless you.
As for religions and believes, I trust my heart to lead me and it has not let me down yet when I pray. So trust yourself to believe what works for you. :-)


Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Post Edited (stkitt) : 6/14/2008 7:53:34 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/14/2008 1:36 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey girl.  Looks like this is a good place to vent, isn't it?  Talking journals are great.  I also write things down on paper, too.

Back in 1999, I remember having the same issues with Jesus coming back.  I had so much anxiety about it.  I stayed up all night worried that the world would come to an end when I woke up.  Have you ever read any of the Left Behind books?  I love those books.  I'm on book 13 now and feel a little weird every now and then thinking about the end times.  Do you have a preacher to talk to about your worries?

As for your husband, can you not talk to him about things?  As far as your "favors", I'm sure he loved them but wonder if still in the back of his mind, he was stressed about stopping dipping.  I know how my own husband is when he's stressed.  Even sex doesn't help him if he's really stressed!  Can you two have a sit-down about how he feels?  Ask him if he's not attracted anymore.  Ask him if he's happy with your body.  My husband likes my hair longer, too, and likes me with meat on my bones but never says anything to me about it.  I have asked him, though, about my hair, and when asked, he did tell me he didn't like my hair.  But I had to drag it out of him.

Just come out and ask him.  I would bet he's just stressed over his own things going on but if it bothers you, tell him you're concerned.  Have you found a place online that specializes in eating disorders?  I wonder if once you fix your eating disorder, things will seem better with your husband because you'll feel better about yourself.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/14/2008 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes that is my hope harlan. I wan't to get help so that I can really be me. I don't think I've ever really been me my whole life. I don't know who I am yet I guess. I have asked him all those questions about my hair and stuff, and I got it highlighted recently and he likes that but he's always saying "your too skinny". Like, when I used to ask him if my outfitt looked okay he'd say "you look hot or you look beautiful. But now all he says is "your too skinny for that" or "you look fine." I am so stressed about him. And I try to dress like he wants me too and stuff but even when I try really hard and fish for complements, he doesn't give them. I don't know. I love him and I really need him now but he's just kinda checked out all the time. Anyway, thanks for listening all. And I'm going to check out that link now while I've got a free moment. LOVE!!!!!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

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