freaking out, need some help!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 6/20/2008 1:16 AM (GMT -6)   
 Hi all, ok so ive suffered anxiety panic for the past year, dissociation for 2 yrs prior to that, but i kicked its ass woohoo
Anyway im freaking out and wondering if ill be ok, this might seem weird and iam embarressed about how stupid this is but anyway a few months ago i read stuff about meditation and things and i thought id be ok to read it as relaxation has always helped me in the past and i was growing spiritually and so i wanted to continue my spiritual journey as i was feeling the best i have ever felt, anyway what ive read has scared the hell out of me and has now left me frustrated and confused, i was really panicking but then calmed myself down i was ok again but now im still finding that what i dont understand has consumed me over these past few months, ive been obsessing and now its come to the point where somedays im thinking what is real and what isnt, i thought i had it all together and knew everything and where i stood in life and then now having to question everything and not thinking clearly in the process is taking its toll, i feel like im gonna go crazy, i dont want to, i hate myself for having getting involved in all this, if i hadnt read anything and just continued to feel my way through life i could have avoided this, They say that people who have had bad drug history, on medication or have pyscological disorders are not allowed to take part in any self discovery or meditation, now i understand why, but what does this mean am i gonna lose it now? I desperatly just want to get on with my life like before, i try to but sometimes the thinking overtakes. what should i do?? im scared, i mean rationally i know that what i think is stupid or what i read i panicked but its the following thoughts after that just spiralled into irrational things, i want to just forget it but you cant because relaxation is part of life you need it to feel ok through life without it you will just be lost and depressed, i guess its all the unknown answers that gets me, but it becomes a catch because im too scared to know anymore obvioulsy because i question things to much and its gotten me in this situation however if i dont have my questions answered im scared. Im so sick of this, i dont even know what my questions are anymore so i dont even know why im still worrying. I figure because its taken so much hard work for me to finally become ok and i dont like things messing with my mind and what i already know. because i have a issue with having to know everything and if i dont ill obsess untill im satisfiled that something wont happen to me. What steps should i take now? I feel fine right at this moment but if i start thinking about it its difficult and its kind of hard not to because if i stop and im relaxed then i start to think, and i cant just not chill out especially with the already huge stresses in my life. Do i sound crazy?? so worried :S ive never been so scared, i think no matter what though ive got to somehow try to focus on other things and not go into that spiralling thinking, but i think that ive got it under control and that im over it and then i continue to feel crap. Tell me there is nothing weird about relaxing and being by yourself to just be, nothing bad is going to happen, see its just so stupid and i know it is but i cant help it. I wanted to do yoga and now after this i dont want to do anything. Plz help cant take much more of this, ive never had such a disturbing crazy issue like this to deal with before. i think when i read what i did i assumed a fact and exaggerated it in my mind and totally took it the wrong way but even though i know this now, why do i still dont feel quite right?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/20/2008 8:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Emz, what exactly did you read? I'm a little confused about what your talkin about. You've come to the right place for help and support though. Everyone here is wonderful. I will keep you in my prayers.
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 6/20/2008 8:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Emz,

First of all, take a deep breath and relax. I don't know where you read what you did, but I definately don't agree with it. I could see if you were on mind altering drugs or alcohol, that would interfere with the clear thinking that you need to meditate. But the medications that you take for anxiety or depression shouldn't interfere. So don't panic.

Try meditating and see what happens. it is all about being in the now and the mind and body connection. You should be able to relax and enjoy without being afraid. There is nothing that could hurt you. Go for the yoga, especially if it is something that you like. Like I say it is all mind and body connection and being in the now, these are things that we need to do on a daily basis anyway.

Unless I misunderstood and am way off base, I don't think that you should have any problem with these things.

Good luck to you. Try to relax and have a good day.

hugs, Karen...
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 6/20/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Emz
Poor you..
I guess you are having a bad case of 'overthinking and 'stinkin thinkin' all at once eyes - you are certainly not alone in doing this so don't feel bad..
This article that you read must have caught you at a vulnerable moment (human)...
IMHO - throw it away immediately and continue with life as it was - you are certainly not going crazy  :-)   it's like you have fallen over and stubbed your big toe (ouch) and now it's time to get up - feet on the floor - and take control.
You will be fine I promise - glad you posted and let all those thoughts out - very healthy thing to do  :-)  
Please let us know how you are getting on.
Sista J.     
  •  'Raindrops on roses..'
  •  'Peace of mind will come to us when we are happy with 'not knowing'...
  •  'No more stinkin thinkin...'
  •  'It's not how we survive the storm..But how we Dance in the Rain..'

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 6/20/2008 6:54 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks guys, yeh i know these things like i mean its all about enjoying and being in the moment, i rationally know this. And yes I know that whatever i read, it was a vunerable moment so that is just unlucky. Yeah and i was confused too because in the book ( at the end of the article in a small box) it said,dont read or practise if you have pyscological probelms, on certain meds and illicit drugs and i was like ooook you could have maybe put that on front of the book or something you dumbass, and then i read somewhere else that this lady who has anxiety and is on meds and has done meditation is fine and its good for her so i dont get it. Ok so the issue was, i read about yoga and this guy said when he was in the middle of practise he went out of hes body and even though he said it was a pleasant experiance for me i was frightened, especially and this has alot to do with it, because i suffered dissociation before and i spend so long bringing myself back to myself like feeling centred and whole again.. so then the irrational thinking spiralled out of control.. if i relax will i suddenly leave my body and all this sill stuff then i didnt want to be alone with myself anymore and any time i was alone or feeling happy all of a sudden its like atomaticly couldnt breathe and so i guess because i didnt understand this and didnt know the answers because i then began to question everything, and everything ive worked for too get better, and also in another part of a book it had other exercises and then said again at the end of it, it said do not do this if you dont wish to leave your body unvoluntarrily. When i read these things though, i was in a very centred state and was very happy but i was probably a little too aware as i was sitting bymyself i felt a little uneasy because i was so "there" and everything was quite its almost likewhen you are completly by yourself and its like when you are so centred you can really feel your own presense and can even observe yourself and what your doing, so yeh then in my mind i somehow convinced myself that if your so calm and so centred your just going to leave yourbody, i dunno the whole thing just freaks me out, so obvioulsy the way i interperrated it and the thoughts that follwed are which led to how i feel now, and i guess its because part of it is true like it actually happend to this perosn and i kept asking myself questions that i didnt know the answer to. And when i was suffering really badly before and was depressed dissociated and never thought id be ok ever again i used certain relaxation techniques and meditation and thanks to it im better today, well untill i freaked myself out so,rationally i know that it cant be harmfull but on the other hand im still not satisfied it really sux, and everytime i felt happy i felt scared to go with the feeling just incase it led to me going out my body... this is the irrational spiralling thoughts that have come with it. So i know now what i should be thinking and i should just forget what i read, so why am i still thinking nuts? Maybe because the initial shock was so intense and terryfying and i had to use all my power and energy to focus and stay sane. I dont know its just so stupid, my thinking has just gone out of control, i find myself thinking am i over gonna get past this issue, i so want to because i just want to enjoy my life now like i did before i read the stupid thing. What things do you think i can do to get over this, im thinking just to take up a project keep involving myself with people so i dont bloody lose sight of whats real because then i started questioning what is real and what isnt thats when i started freaking out that i will lose it. Anyway i got rid of that stupid book and i dont think i will read stuff liek this anymore, i really wanted to go yoga though but i dont want take another trip down panic anxiety lane. Imscared to do any relaxing stuff now but i really want to get over it.
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