Hi all, ok so ive suffered anxiety panic for the past year, dissociation for 2 yrs prior to that, but i kicked its ass woohoo
Anyway im freaking out and wondering if ill be ok, this might seem weird and iam embarressed about how stupid this is but anyway a few months ago i read stuff about meditation and things and i thought id be ok to read it as relaxation has always helped me in the past and i was growing spiritually and so i wanted to continue my spiritual journey as i was feeling the best i have ever felt, anyway what ive read has scared the hell out of me and has now left me frustrated and confused, i was really panicking but then calmed myself down i was ok again but now im still finding that what i dont understand has consumed me over these past few months, ive been obsessing and now its come to the point where somedays im thinking what is real and what isnt, i thought i had it all together and knew everything and where i stood in life and then now having to question everything and not thinking clearly in the process is taking its toll, i feel like im gonna go crazy, i dont want to, i hate myself for having getting involved in all this, if i hadnt read anything and just continued to feel my way through life i could have avoided this, They say that people who have had bad drug history, on medication or have pyscological disorders are not allowed to take part in any self discovery or meditation, now i understand why, but what does this mean am i gonna lose it now? I desperatly just want to get on with my life like before, i try to but sometimes the thinking overtakes. what should i do?? im scared, i mean rationally i know that what i think is stupid or what i read i panicked but its the following thoughts after that just spiralled into irrational things, i want to just forget it but you cant because relaxation is part of life you need it to feel ok through life without it you will just be lost and depressed, i guess its all the unknown answers that gets me, but it becomes a catch because im too scared to know anymore obvioulsy because i question things to much and its gotten me in this situation however if i dont have my questions answered im scared. Im so sick of this, i dont even know what my questions are anymore so i dont even know why im still worrying. I figure because its taken so much hard work for me to finally become ok and i dont like things messing with my mind and what i already know. because i have a issue with having to know everything and if i dont ill obsess untill im satisfiled that something wont happen to me. What steps should i take now? I feel fine right at this moment but if i start thinking about it its difficult and its kind of hard not to because if i stop and im relaxed then i start to think, and i cant just not chill out especially with the already huge stresses in my life. Do i sound crazy?? so worried :S ive never been so scared, i think no matter what though ive got to somehow try to focus on other things and not go into that spiralling thinking, but i think that ive got it under control and that im over it and then i continue to feel crap. Tell me there is nothing weird about relaxing and being by yourself to just be, nothing bad is going to happen, see its just so stupid and i know it is but i cant help it. I wanted to do yoga and now after this i dont want to do anything. Plz help cant take much more of this, ive never had such a disturbing crazy issue like this to deal with before. i think when i read what i did i assumed a fact and exaggerated it in my mind and totally took it the wrong way but even though i know this now, why do i still dont feel quite right?