dependent on my safe person

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 6/25/2008 12:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I have realized that over the past few years with any bouts of anxiety I have depended on my mom to help me through it.  I'm 27 and still live at home and I know its not healthy.  My mom is always there to listen to me and be there for me.  My mom is 55 and her side of the family has a history of heart diease.  I get so worried when I think of ever loosing her.  I don't know if I'd be able to live without her.  I hate feeling so dependent on her.  Also, I was wondering how can I learn to relax.  It seems everyone keeps telling me thats what i need to do.  When I get anxious people tell me to just relax, I'm having some non serious health issues and the doctor told me to just relax.  Apparently I don't know how to relax. 

Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 6/25/2008 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Angel

I don't think living at home with your mom is necessarily unhealthy as long as you are carrying your weight financially and with doing things around the house.  I think it's wonderful that you are so close.  My son is your age and still lives at home though he pays some bills and supports himself.  He suffers from depression and I am bipolar and my husband is perfectly emotionally healthy so my son and I are good support for each other.

As far as your mom not being around, 55 isn't very old.  Enjoy each day with her - none of us can count on tomorrow!

Yes, you probably do need to relax but it's easier said than done.



Georgie Girl

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/25/2008 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   

Ugh, I hear that all the time too. If only it were that easy. People don't understand. But we have to understand that they are coming from a good place, good intentions.

I think it's great you and your mother have each other. Do you have some friends also? It would be good to have a support network outside of just your mother.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/25/2008 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   


Hey I think your very lucky to have a Mom and a great relationship.  Do you depend on her for financial support or just emotional support?  You don't have to answer that if it is to personal. 

Age does not dictate where you live or who you depend on to be there for you so please know how lucky you are to have each other.




Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 6/25/2008 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't really have any friends. I do have a boyfriend who is very supportive. I will try to enjoy my time with my mom instead of worrying about the future. I try to live my life one day at a time but sometimes its hard to do that. I am beginning to hate the word relax. I am so glad for this forum. Its definitely been a great help. My anxiety is off and on but when its on....its on. And of course its back right now, probably cause I just had lasik eye surgery and thats a pretty major surgery. Its so comforting to me to know that others can understand where I am coming from. I get so frustrated when my negative thoughts start and continue to spiral and people i talk to just tell me to stop thinking that way and relax. Ha! It sounds so easy,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/25/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   


I don't think there is anything wrong with living with your mother at 27, I lived with mine for a while when I was 29 and getting over a bad marriage. She is my best friend and my best support and I share your fear (about our mum's dying). But it WILL happen one day and WE WIILL cope. I just try and focus on how precious she is to me now, and I try not to think too far ahead. I'm glad you have a supportive boyfriend, and remember, you have your HW family as well. :-) :-) :-)

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/26/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   

I understand your annoyance at being told "relax." Some people don't realize that anxiety is not like a light switch that we can flip on or off.

Maybe you could turn the frustration into something helpful though. Instead of taking it as a superficial encouragement from someone else, think about that word as a reminder to yourself that "staying in the moment" is a useful tool in fighting anxiety. I don't mean to try substituting just those words fro the word "relax," but rather when people say that to you, try then to followup with your own encouragement to yourself that you should try using those skills that help you overcome the stinkin' thinkin' about past or future and just concentrate on the now.

I think it's great that you and your mother have such a strong relationship. As long as both of you are happy with the arrangement, it's not wrong to still live with her. It's like having a great roommate that you just happen to share some DNA with! LOL

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