So torn and confused

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/27/2008 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
confused  Okay yall.  I am so torn and confused.  I feel like I may be going absolutely crazy.  What am I doing?  Can I do this?  Can I leave everything I've ever known, everything that is safe and comfortable, and be on my own?  And will anyone really ever love me for who I am?  And will I go to hell if I call this marriage quits?  I feel so much better without him.  I feel strong and happy and not anxious.  But I don't want to make the wrong decision.  I'm so confused and I don't even know where to go or turn for the answers.  I need Divine guidence and I cant seem to find it.  I know what I want one minute, then the next minute, I don't.  AHHHHHHHHHH!  I am so frustrated.  I dont have a clue.  All that I am asking from him is that he will treat me like I deserve to be treated.  Tell me I'm beautiful and be there for me when I need him.  He never did those things even though I made it crystal clear (with a written list!) what I needed from him.  I guess I really need to do some deep soul searching.  I am so torn.  I don't want the pain of divorce for our son, but he is only two, and he wont even remember us together when he gets older.  So I think it's better for him, that we do this now.  And then there's the question of can I make enough money on my own to support my son and me, and get us a decent place to live?  I feel right now that I want to end things for good.  But who knows how I'll feel two days or even two hours from now?  I just want love.  I need that so bad.  Is that really too much to ask?  Oh I'm sorry for all this rambling. I just need some advice or something.  Sorry if it doesn't make sense.  I have to go now.  Maybe I'll find myself. hehe. 
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/27/2008 4:05 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello thirsty,

I am sorry you are struggling.  I can not tell you what to do but here is some food for thought. :-)

There are some things you can do to decide if you are in the wrong relationship and if you need to get out.  

Is your spouse abusive? If your spouse has abused you in the past, he probably will do so again in the future.

Has your spouse cheated on you? For some people this is unforgivable. If your partner has cheated on you, you need to decide if you will be able to forgive him or not.

Are you happy in the relationship? Sit back for a moment and think to yourself 'Am I happy in my relationship?' If you are happy, then great! If you're not happy then you need to ask another question. Ask yourself 'Can I foresee myself ever being happy in this relationship?'

If you can see yourself being happy if some small changes are made, then it might be worth your effort to get marital counseling. I want to mention here that the small changes must come from inside you. You do not have the power to change anyone else (including your spouse).

Is there anything wrong with Divorce? This is a moral decision you need to decide for yourself.. When people are confronted with the possibility of divorce, they usually think about how other people will judge them morally if they get divorced.

The decision to divorce is never easy, but you do have options. You need to be able to look at your life as whole and decide if it is good or bad. You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your spouse and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgment is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

I hope this helps you in some small way.  Bless you my friend and know that your God is watching over you.




Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/27/2008 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey Thirsty,

It sounds like your head is about to explode with all this worrying! I can understand all your concerns, I had the same ones when I was deciding to leave my husband (he fixed it by dissapearing  - the louse!). I know that you have recently started a job, so that means you should be able to provide for yourself and your son. I'm sure your family will help you out until you get on your feet.  I guess the important question to ask yourself is am I happy when I am with him? Do I want to be living like this in ten years? If the answer is no then you have to go ahead with the divorce. He isn't going to change. Trust me. If he doesn't give you what you have asked for he never will. If you want to stay with him for the sake of your child, know that you will most likely make the child unhappy, because you are unhappy.

All that said, if you love him, truly and want to make it work then do! Just ask youreslf "am I happy with him?". If not go and find someone who appreciates You for You. Now try not to explode honey!!!

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess

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