Can you relate?

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/10/2008 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

I am new to this board and am SO glad that I found it--it seems like a great resource.

Before I ask anything, I want to tell you all a little about myself.

The only thing in my life that has ever held me back is my fear and anxiety. I don't like being out of control, being trapped, or anything new. I have just moved to a huge metropolitan city in which I will be on my own, making decisions on my own, riding public transportation, experiencing VERY new things, and traveling. And I am SO anxious about it all.

My question for you guys is this: where does your anxiety stem from? Mine stems from my INTENSE awareness of everything thats going on around me at all times. I think of the whys and hows. I think of the worst possible scenario and my brain just won't shut off. I ultimately want to know how to let go of the need for control. Letting go and letting god, I guess. Anyone else have this same issue? Anyone been able to overcome it?

I'm not looking for answers or a diagnosis--mostly just opening up a discussion about the type of anxiety and control issues I deal with on a daily basis.

Take care

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/10/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
HI welcome,,,,
    It is understandable that you  would be anxious having totally new surrounings...... dont be hard on your self..

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/10/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi lovely55 and welcome to HW. This is a great place for discussion and sharing resources. I'm glad you have joined us.

My anxiety stems from low self esteem and the fear that I will do something wrong. I feel overwhelmed with responsibilty and the slightest negative feedback can cause excessive anxiety.  I am overcoming this by using CBT therapy and learning that the world does not really care one hoot about me most of the time!

I find public transport challenging too, I have to go everywhere by car, and I used to need to keep my keys near me at all times in case of an attack. I think this is my way of keeping "control" I am (phew) a lot better now and don't suffer from such a sense of being "judged" but it still gets me on bad days. I do take meds to control it.

I hope this helps you a little and gets your discussion going, it's a great topic. Again, welcome to HW



Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/10/2008 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Lovely55, Welcome! You've found a safe, caring , and reliable support community for people battling Anxiety and Panic.. We have many members here who will be glad to lend an ear, offer information, and provide support for people who need it.

My anxiety feels to me to be more anticipatory anxiety.  It is the fear of the unknown, a stage fright kind of fear.  The "what ifs".

Common Anticipatory Anxiety Reactions include :

Feelings: anxious, fearful, angry, confused, hopeless, losing control, numb, sad, moody, irritable, guilty.

Behaviors: withdrawal from others or activities, disrupted routines, startle reactions, easily crying

Cognitions: preoccupation with possibility of trauma, concentration difficulties, self-doubt, worry, indecisiveness, memory difficulties

Physical complaints: muscle tension, headaches, gastric distress, sleep and appetite changes, fatigue

Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, on here are all good ways to work through the anxiety.

Relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization (imagining peaceful scenes), and/or listening to soothing music.

Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.

Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

You have made some huge changes so give yourself plenty  of time to adjust as well and celebrate your achievements no matter how small they may seem.

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of A & P and still being able to be anonymous. Stay with us and keep posting.   We love new members.

Gentle Hugs





Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 7/10/2008 10:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi and welcome!

My first reaction is: Bingo! My anxiety manifests in several ways, but it's really all about control, or rather feeling that I don't have any. I go to a cognitive behavioral therapist weekly, but we haven't gotten through enough other layers to deal with this one yet. You and I will be learning together, it seems.

Congratulations on your move! It's daunting, but says a lot about your strength and energy that you're willing to tackle such a large change. I hope you'll find more to enjoy about it than to fear. My first move to a city was overwhelming but I think it's that best move - and the happiest time - I ever made.


New Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/12/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow--thank you all so much for responding. Its so nice to be able to relate.

nervymeg: I can TOTALLY relate to the being judged issue. I am afraid of new situations because I am afraid that the way I will react will be unsatisfactory to others, or I will be viewed in a negative way based on my reactions. High expectations (perceived or real) make my anxiety spike. This definitely stems from childhood.

stkitt: I definitely think of the "what ifs" before doing something new. I have also become a sort of hypochondriac in that I always believe there is something seriously medically wrong with me.

percycat: Like I said, it really is ALL about control, or the lack thereof. I believe my motivation to move really came from my REFUSAL to let anxiety rule my life. I have huge dreams and wold not be able to live with myself if I let fear stand in my way. I also have hope; if others can live successful, fulfilling, and happy lives without fear, so can I.

I did want to add that the type of therapy that has been pretty helpful to me so far has been Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). It works with disputing irrational beliefs, which is where all of my anxiety stems from, personally. Its really interesting and common-sense stuff.

When I get anxious, I have a way of making it worse for myself--my mind just kind of gets out of control and I think very deep thoughts. For example, I was at an outdoor festival recently with lots of people. It was hot and I quickly became tired and anxious. I just wanted to be safe, at home, in my bed. As if things couldn't get any worse, I started thinking about how I was "hanging off the side of the Earth" and gravity was the only thing keeping me from falling into the universe. !! I mean, really. It gets totally ridiculous. So its those very BIG thoughts that I'm trying to quell.

Anyway, I hope to hear back from more of you. I did also want to ask, when did your anxiety start? Do you think the way you were raised had anything to do with it?

Take care!
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