Hello All ....... I am starting this post for Zen our newest member
Hi. I am Zyn
I am 36 years old. Never married and no kids.
I suffer from panic attacks.
I am three years sober.
I stumbled on this site while googling a doctor I saw on an anxiety commercial.
I was 15 the first time I witnessed my mom have a panic attack. She stopped at the base of a bridge and threw her truck in reverse to avoid it. I thought it was silly. Fast forward 17 years. I found myself on a bridge getting ready to go through a tunnel and I it took every ounce of strength I had not to turn the wheel around to avoid it. I remember thinking how "silly" I was being. I had been over the same bridge HUNDREDS of times. Well, it feeling silly didn't make my heart stop racing. It didn't stop the penny taste in my mouth or the ringing in my ears. It didn't stop the fog creeping into my vision or my knuckles from turning white as I clung to the steering wheel.
I told my told my mom what had happened and she nodded knowingly. The only thing I could say to her was that I was sorry for all the times she was driving and I thought "Get over it" or "It is JUST a bridge" when I saw her go pale or begin sweating in the dead of winter. I finally knew what she was going through.
My mom's panic attacks have stopped her from driving more than 20 miles from the house. I can still drive but I know every route to avoid the bridges in the area. Unfortunately, my job forces me to drive about a month out of the year. I have been able to "trick" myself into driving over some familiar bridges so far. I am scared that these attacks will eventually cause me to lose my job. I have told my employer, family, and boyfriend about my attacks and they give me "that" look. I know "that" look. It is the same look I use to give my mom.
My comfort zone is collapsing. My boyfriend is getting annoyed that I don't want to go anywhere. I HATE leaving the house. I drive as little as possible because I am in constant fear of an accident. Most of my attacks are triggered by bridges but I do have them while driving with no known trigger. My panic morphs into anger after each episode. I wish I could control it.
I haven't gone to a doctor about the attacks. I have seen my mom labeled crazy by society, insurance companies, and friends after she started taking medicine. She is now on disability because of it and she is living with me. I registered to this board in the hopes that I can learn ways to help my mom and I cope with the anxiety beyond the walls of our home.
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Post Edited (Zyn) : 7/18/2008 9:47:45 AM (GMT-6)
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression https://www.healingwell.com/donate *~* Not a mental health professional of any kindIt is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
Post Edited (stkitt) : 7/18/2008 12:00:09 PM (GMT-6)