I just had a converstaion with my Mom who is 73 and I'm 42. She worries about
me all the time as well.
In the last 8 yrs I've gone though hell with a seperation as well, living alone, getting lupus/lyme, another bad relationship, me falling apart. And now me really struggling with my lyme and anxiety and being on disability from work
My poor Mom sits up all night worried about
me and my sisters. My Mom has a bad case of fibro and the stress makes her sick as well.
What's a mother to do?
Well I explained to my Mom, that her being stressed out and sick over me being in peril makes me feel terrible and that instead of her using her energy to worry, she should use her energy to better her life and just think good thoughts for me.
Her worry and negative energy actually makes it worse.
One places their worries on others normally to avoid their own issues. Not in any way saying you're doing this, but my Mom does.
My Mom has now put all her faith in knowing things will work out for the good and is no longer stressed about
my sisters and me.
My Niece (my mom's granddaughter) also has a fatal illness and is in a wheelchair. My niece is 15 and will not live to see 20.
My Mom has had to learn how to block that reality out of her life. Actually, we've all blocked it out. Instead we all focus on the good and that energy helps my niece in more ways than being worried about
You put good energy out there and healing happens. You worry and feel ill, you fester the heartache even longer
Moral of my story, you need to express your concerns and then put faith into the Universe or God or whatever your belief in that it will all work out.
Worrying has never solved one problem on this planet. It's wasted energy
Wishing you all the best
Moderator - Anxiety-panic forum
where we take it one panic attack at a time
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
Posted 7/22/2008 6:47 AM (GMT -7)
I'm sorry you're feeling so sick about all this. I think for us folks with anxiety, it's hard to separate natural worry from obsessing. I hope you can keep the obsessing part out of your life by staying in the moment.
You seem to have done everything I'd want from my mom if I were your daughter: you've told her you're open to talking, you clearly know what she's going through, and you're letting her call the shots. After all, this is her situation to get through, and she may choose to do certain things differently from how you did. Try to remind yourself that she is well equipped to get through this: you did. And keep yourself healthy, so that when she does need to lean on you - child care, help in the house, whatever - you'll be physically prepared to do it. Try to think of caring for yourself as also keeping yourself ready to go out and help her when she needs it, like with firefighters who train regularly so that they're always poised to rescue those in need.
Posted 7/22/2008 8:17 AM (GMT -7)
Well today is a much better day. I still feel sick, but I think something with my Crohns is trying to act up. My husband turned my phone off yesterday, because he said (just like the rest of you) she is an adult and has to work thru this herself. We have told her we are here for her and love her, and thats all we can do now.
Side note, my spoiled brat youngest daughter tried yesterday to make this all about her. My husband had told our oldest that she really should listen to the advice from someone who has been thru the same situation (me or a friend of hers) and not little sister who has never been married or ever had kids. She took that as an attack on her. Geesh get over yourself.
Anyways, thanks for all your thoughts. I do feel better about the situation now. Can't say I will ever stop worrying, but I know she is in God's hands now, as thats where I have put this situation.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 32 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec 60 mg, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain and Calcium. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and doing tests to see if I have Inflammatory Arthritis or AS.