What is this?

Hello everyone.  I'm new.  I have had issues with anxiety and panic for about 15 years now. I'm 46. 

One of the other things that "gets me going" is when I hear of someone being diagnosed with a horrible terminal disease.  My mind starts racing and I start obsessing about it in relation to myself.  I think that I can't bear to hear about it because it makes me very nervous.  I want to be compassionate towards other people & be supportive but I really can't bear to hear about stuff like that.  I want to tell the people who are telling me about their friend's condition or their own condition that I just can't handle hearing about it, but that sounds horribly cowardly and uncompassionate.  I want to stick my head in the sand & just not hear about it.  Why am I like this?

In addition to the periodic panic attacks over the past 15 years, I have had issues concerning medical tests....always expecting the worse result.  I do go & have all the annual regular checkups recommended for women my age and always have.  I've never had an alarming result but I always expect the worse & am very nervous.  Most people I know don't even give it a second thought once they walk out of the lab or doctor's office.  I'm very healthy and have never been hospitalized or had a serious illness but when I'm waiting for a medical test result, I'm a wreck & check my answering machine several times a day to see if anyone from the doctor's office or lab has tried to contact me. 

I don't go to the doctor very often, only when I actually have something medically wrong with me or I'm due for an annual check up so I don't think I'm a hypochondriac, or am I?  I was on Zoloft before, once for about 9 mos when I had my first symptoms of panic attacks 15 years ago and then again about a year ago when I started having panic attack again.  I took the Zoloft for about 6-9 mos again.  I also tried Prozac about 6 years ago for about 3 mos and hated how I felt on it & experienced all kinds of withdrawal problems when I weaned myself off.  I do not like taking medications in general and this last time when I weaned myself off the Zoloft, it was terrible & I vowed to never take medication again.  I don't know if I have a trigger for the panic attacks per se, I haven't really noticed anything in particular that starts them but I do know when I'm experiencing them.  I believe the panic attacks and the worrisome thoughts about medical/health issues are separate but maybe they aren't.

I try to talk myself through these issues and eventually I'm successful but for the days or weeks that I'm obsessing about the issue or very nervous after hearing about someone with a serious ailment, I'm miserable and can't stop thinking about it. 

For the panic attacks, I bought Dr. Andrew Weil's breathing CD and I listen to it & do the breathing along w/him to help me get through those moments.  It does seem to help.  I do recognize what I'm doing, believe me.  I just can't seem to control it.

Is there a name for what I'm experiencing?  I guess I'd like to know if there is so I could try to work through these episodes myself and educate myself better.  I'm wondering if the obsessive thoughts about medical/health issues are a form of OCD? 

Thank you Lyn.  I will certainly look into the Cognitive Behavior Therapy.   I've thought of speaking w/a professional but haven't done so yet. 

Thank you again for responding.

rukiddingme

Hi I am Kitt and welcome. I just bumped a thread to the top for you that has tons of info on CBT therapy written by the members.  I hope this helps you.

You have received great advice from Lyn and she is ver wise so please do look into therapy.

Stick with us as we care and we will support you.
Kitt

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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