thanks for the welcome guys. *hugs*
peacesoul...I don't live alone anymore. I did for years though. I'll explain this a little more after I go into what I'm afraid of. For the most part I'm scared of people breaking in and attacking me/killing me/etc. As a child I was exposed to a lot of violence and unsafe situations mostly at night which has lead different therapists to agree that because of how early on the violence started I never truly learned how to feel safe in any situation really, but more at night. I could go on about my fears during the day, but I'll just focus on the night ones now. So on to your other questions...I don't live alone anymore. I did from ages 19-25. My boyfriend moved in with me and it's going on two years soon. Now you would think I would feel safer with someone here...now I fear for BOTH of us. As for safety and locks and stuff...here's where you can really tell how bad my issues are. I have sufficient locks on my doors, I have a security system, AND cameras at each door with sound so I can see who's around the doors and listen for people. I'm afraid to have weapons in the house because I feel like if I went to use them whoever had broken in could easily take them away from me and use them against me.
as for the health issues I'm sure this has played a part in my recent panic/anxiety. my health has just been getting worse and worse and I can't take much more.
badfish...thanks for the welcome.
EmersonDav06...sorry we both have to go through this. It helps knowing I'm not alone, but I hate that we have to go through it at all.
another issue I have...driving. I haven't driven in years. I keep my license valid just in case. I don't own a car, but the boyfriend does so I could use that whenever. my main fear with driving is that I will crash and either hurt someone else or myself. was in therapy for years trying to get over this, but we've officially given up on it for now. we've tried having me drive and hope that if I have a panic attack I would get past it and then feel safer driving, but instead the opposite has happened. I've crashed. Side swipped trees, hit parked cars, ran over curbs, rear ended people. All because I'm in a panic and can't control myself. then we tried benzos while driving and in order for me to be calm enough to drive I have to be pretty drugged up which means I'm in no condition to drive. another fear about driving...the car breaking down and not being able to get help. tried to get over this with a cell phone and AAA, but doesn't make me feel any better. I'm also a terrible passenger. I get worked up very easily if we hit a big bump or they have to hit the brakes real fast...I mean I cry and everything.
gosh I have so many issues. UGH!
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!