Okay everyone. I am taking a step right now and I am going to bear my soul and ask for the support of all of you to help me. I need a good support team that I can be honest with and that will be honest with me.
So, I have struggled with anorexia on and off for about eight years now. I am now at my lowest weight of since I had my son. I am very stubborn when it comes to eating and stuff concerning this. I am supposed to see a specialist and that makes me extremely nervous. I am just so scared of gaining weight. I am so scared of going to the specialist and having him tell me that I am not skinny enough to be anorexic. Even though I know that I have a problem I still deny it alot. Its almost like this anorexia has a mind of it's own. Sometimes it completely controls me and other times it stews on the back burner. But I know that if I want to raise a healthy son I have to stop this. I have to do it for me too. I want so badly to be happy with myself. To love myself for the first time in my life. I have never loved myself and I have a very hard time believing anyone else loves me. Even God. But I know this is not true. I know this may be confusing, but this disorder confuses me.
Anyway, I am asking for yall to help me and support me as I try to get better. I know it's going to be a long hard road to recovery. I know that I may fall off the wagon somedays. But that's what I need help with. Advice and support to help me get back on that wagon and finish the journey to my recovery. So thanks for listening. And it is still really hard for me to talk about this. Its such an open wound. When I talk about it, it's like pouring salt into it. But I know that salt helps to heal wounds! :) Thanks everyone!