Fitzy is absolutely right on with this! I was 17 when I went through anorexia. I also played the games of thinking I could end it on my terms. I played that game which led to several hospitalizations for various complications brought on by the disorder and the beginnings of organ failure. I was told my ovaries had regressed to the age of a small child and that I would never have children. Through all of that I continued to believe that I had control over the disorder until one day I realized the truth....the disorder controlled me. Every single thing about me. My lifestyle, physical and mental health, personality, appearance, relationships, EVERYTHING! That day I approached my parents and said "send me away before I die". My parents arranged a 6 hour ambulance ride to the Mayo Clinic. Upon my arrival, I was admitted with the status of terminal. Do not let yourself get to that point, get the help you need NOW!! Needless to say, I am alive and well. I am married, a mother of two, and a career woman.
To alleviate some of your fears that I assume you may be experiencing I am not overweight, I am not a concentration camp prisoner in appearance, I am just right. Even though my time at the Mayo Clinic brought me back to a healthier state, I had to work hard for years to maintain a healthy state of mind and not slip backwards.
Please seek the help, you only have one life to live. Live it well!