Well, I am just really so sad right now. My son is in the living room singing to a cartoon and I swear it's the sweetest little thing I've ever heard. It breaks my heart because I know that until I get better I cant really be the best momma to him. He is such a beautiful little boy. He is funny and loving and just so wonderful. I want to get better for him. Him and my husband. Me too but they are my reason for living at all.
I just posted this on my other thread but I am just so worried about Jonathan. We still haven't heard back from his MRI yet and I am starting to freak out. I love him so much I dont think I could live without him. I dont want him to hurt and I dont want him to die. He is such a good husband to me. He really loves me for me and treats me like I'm a godess. I just love him so much and I find myself pushing him away. I dont know why I do it. I just dont want to hurt him and I dont want to be hurt. I just love him so much. I have to stop pushing the people that love me away. I honestly dont know why I do that. But I have to stop.
And I guess I'm going to go back on my Paxil. I'm still having some side affects from stopping it and I think I really just need to go back on it. I feel so stupid for just stopping it like that. I still haven't had a panic attack or anything but I at least need to keep taking it until my doctor can taper me off of it. I'm sorry for scaring all of you. I really didn't mean to do that. I am discovering that I am breaking, I am breaking and learning that I am going to have to make up my mind to get better and do it 100%. I really want to live my life instead of letting other things control me. So, anyway, thanks to all of you for sticking with me and supporting me. And caring about me even when I didn't care about myself. I am really going to try now. I have to do this. I will do this. I will be okay, I will get better.
" When you feel like you're alone in your sadness, and no one in this whole world cares, and you want to get away from the madness, you just call my name and I'll be there..." Third Day