I tried to reply this morning and lost about
an hour to a fun little scream fest. I think that's five flashback/panic attacks for the week. I'm pretty sure the number is related to the fact I had to fill out my SSDI/SSI paperwork for an appeal. I've really been trying to avoid doing it because it sets me off. Of course, just walk through the house does it too. I actually keep all the lights off so I don't see anything at night ... ain't that crazy.
Anyway, MMMNavy, I'm 40, a little old to be a military dependent. My father was a Marine, 20 years of combat. He had PTSD too, but it was nothing like this. Once in a while he would just go ballistic, me and mother just got out of his way and wait till it was over to see what was left. Even at 74 years old I never walked up behind my father unannounced. Don't get me wrong, my father was a good man, good father but he was a Marine first, something not to be forgotten. I took care of both my parents for the last ten years, father died in 1998 and mother June this year. Kept them both out of nursing homes, did my duty.
I've already looked up the public mental health care available, actually worked at one of the place as security officer, Suncoast. I use to tie people to beds, posy them. Which brings up another problem, I'm too honest, I'm sure Suncoast would lock my butt up for a 72 hour observation at the very least and the other place probably would too ... same for ER. Being confined to a hospital scares the hell out of me.
I realize I need help, I've put a call into a Bereavement Counselor at Hospice. Not sure she can lock me up, which is about
as good as I can get. My mother was only in Hospice for less than 24 hours and the Hospice closed a couple weeks later so I thought I lost any support from them. The Bereavement Counselor called me Monday or Tuesday out of the blue.
Be gentle with yourself. This is a hard thing to go through. Don't try and avoid the trigger situations, but don't put yourself in harms way either. You need to do that under the care of a good therapist.
I figured I needed a doctor and a therapist before I tried that especially with the blacking out.
I have three prescript
ions from a ARNP, can't really say I trust the nurse that wrote the prescript
ions. One of them is for Paxil. Check the prescript
ion, its not the lowest dose available. I think I can fix that. The last two prescript
ion I had from an ARNP nearly killed me. So I'm weary of ARNP's with pen and pad. The thought of dying doesn't bother me but I rather not be tortured to death.
Thanks for the links MMMNavy.
Post Edited (Buddha443556) : 8/22/2008 12:30:56 PM (GMT-6)