HAHA! Sort of…
I’ve been working on not caring what people think – my shoulders are getting lots of exercise shrugging…lol. Get lots of practice “not caring” with my music. Who wants to see a 37 year old (soon to be 38, ugh) Wisconsinite shake her butt on stage to classic rock? Well, maybe the 70 somethings, but you know what I mean. And my job (a professional one) isn’t too keen on my music hobby either. Oh well. Shrug…(ow…a cramp).
However, when it comes to fainting – that is different – because then people call the ambulance (I’ve had it happen twice). That gets expensive. And frankly I don’t want all that attention. Get that singing. Ooo! Is there a marketing opportunity here???
But what people think? I think I finally got old enough that I don’t care. Now granted my Norse heritage rather provides me with a calm cool outer appearance most of the time, but then the Scot and French nicely balance that out with flaring tempers and emotion. Yeah, its exciting. Sometimes I don’t think people have multiple personalities, just conflicting genetics…that’s my story, stickin’ to it. But blah blah, I really try not to care what people think. I’ll cry in public, laugh hysterically – honor those silly feelings that keep coming up out of nowhere – who do they think they are anyway? They are not easily ignored – they get revenge, like in the form of gut rot and overstimulation (where’s the bathroom?), back pain, vertigo, etc…And since I’m not a fan of those things – I’ll cry, I’ll laugh, even glare. Hey, if you make this calm quiet little girl angry, you deserve a glare. Scary.
Now, to be honest – irate anger doesn’t digest well in me either – so I do meditate the heck trying to exorcise those feelings (remember the Scot part? And maybe some unLutherned Viking?) – and then things are ok for a while until I can get home and throw my hands in my garden dirt or sing ACDC or something. But maybe its because I’ve never been able to let my anger fly – I don’t think anyone could handle it.
So, personally – I think the world would be a better place if society stopped putting so much restriction on emotion. Hey, if no one gets an eye poked out, what’s the harm?? Because someone will feel uncomfy? Oh boohoo. Maybe that’s an emotion they need to deal with….in public.
Be comfy with yourself, you’ll like yourself more, I say. Panic attacks happen, slow but sure, each of us will conquer our demons. Those fears.
My fear: failure. Leads to uncontrollable anxiety in my job, sometimes makes it hard to finish tasks because they may not be perfect.
Other fear: abandonment. Leads to attempts at over-diplomatic tendencies. Y’know – irritating Libra junk. Well, believe it or not – we can’t fix it all even though we have this overwhelming desire to try. Did I say overwhelming? Uncontrollable.
Wow – did I say all that? Yikes, sorry – I think about this a lot – great topic. I feel the Frenchness coming out of me already! Haha!