Thanks Martha Mae.
I always wondered how those people who spend their entire working lives hating their jobs and hating to come to work stood it - as I liked what I did so very much. Now I feel like one of those people just putting in their time. I would say that I'm still a better employee than the average (talk about confidence!) but I'm just not my old energetic, positive self where "excellence was my middle name".
I worked my way up without a college degree to a fairly high level management position and when I say they pay me well, I mean very well. I am the main breadwinner in my family. And without a college degree I couldn't just walk into another job that would pay anywhere near this (I work in HR, I am the HR officer for our AF installation). My retirement will be a bit over $5,000 a month if I just stay in it two more years. Then I will start another career working with children, I hope, which will keep my busy and active all day long and also not "in charge".
Oh today went a little bit faster. I took a break and took some leave and went shopping for new luggage, returned to work and had only an hour left. Later in the day, I feel better about things - its mornings that are bad. Which also makes me think there is a link to my depression since mornings are/were always bad for me when I was in a depressed state.
I am fairly joyous at home and get joy out of my relationship with my spouse and son so things could be so much worse. I have a loving, supportive sister and brother though I don't see them often we talk on the phone regularly.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. Things will get better.