I have a very difficult time getting ready and coming to work in the mornings now - to a job that I used to take so much satisfaction from. I am bipolar and the beginning of this year began having bad anxiety which in Mar culminated in a week's hospitalization from which I remember only about
two hours. Doctor changed meds and added meds but when I got out I still had bad anxiety for about
three weeks until he added Zyprexa to the mix. The Zyprexa helped my anxiety go down to a manageable level within four hours. It has continued to manage the bad anxiety to date and I only have to take one 5 or 10 mg Zyprexa every week or so when I'm starting to feel panicky and sweaty and/or worried about
something specific. For this I am happy.
But early this year I also began to dread a job I have loved for 14 years. Now after my recovery from my bad anxiety, I still have extremely long days and feel like I can't stand to be here. When I get home from work or on the weekends, I feel so much better which makes me think that this is not depression I'm dealing with but maybe job burnout.
I have returned to my doctor and had medication changes to possibly deal with depression but none has helped my feelings about work. Fortunately, I have only two years until I can retire at which time I plan to do so and pursue another career.
Reading here people talking about focusing on the good things - I am trying to do so. We get 26 days of leave a year, I have another 240 hours of leave on reserve that I carry from year to year, they accommodate illnesses and absences such as I had this spring, they pay me very well for being bored to tears, and I occasionally find something rewarding in a task or customer service. And my anxiety is well controlled.
I am not really asking for advice though willing to listen! I just need to express my concerns.