Hi this is Kitt. I know exactly what you mean about hiiding your own anxiety and depression at work, I did that for 24 years and had a wonderful career but always had this underlying fear and anxiety.
I spent a lot of wasted time worrying about the "what ifs" Through therapy I have learned "what if the worst thing happens, will I survive" Yes I will and I will fight the demons to get them out of my life.
2 summers ago I was pretty housebound, afraid to go out, rushed home to my safe place. We decided to take a 500 mile trip that Fall and we got 100 miles from home and I begged my husband to go back home. He said no, let's just get to the first nights stop and see how you feel. I asked him to just talk to me about anything and he did. I would burst in to tears and say please take me home but we continued to head west.
The night in the first hotel was fine. The next morning nothing was mentioned about turning back, I was on my way on a trip and I wanted to go, I just needed my support person to tell me I would be OK and he was there with me.
I was not cured but I put that accomplishment at the top of my list for facing my fears and hitting them head on.
Try to just go to your quiet spot and sit with your eyes closed and feel the sun on your face. You are safe. You do not have to be afraid. Let the anxiety float away. Take deep breaths and just be in the moment.
I am here for you. Remember one step at a time. You will make it through this dark time and life will be good again. Trust.
I support you and I am sending lot of prayers your way to help you through this tough time.