Hi. I've been participating in the bipolar forum for the last month or so and thought I'd try this forum b/c I've had so much more anxiety of late.
I am 35 y/o and have been treated for Depression 12 years, then ADHD and Depression for 9 or so. I had a manic kind of reaction to IV steroids (for post surgery infection) about 8 years ago and was prescribed Clonazepam to "bring me down." After getting me "down" and back to sleeping, etc., I took Clonazepam 1mg nightly for a few years. What I liked about it was how it made my mind slow down enough to sleep. It was nice to just have a few minutes every day when my thoughts would slow down and my mind would rest.
There's been some question as to whether I'm Bipolar II in the last couple years, which is why I've been searching around these forums. My pdoc is certain that I have Depression, ADHD, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I know that several persons with Depression also have Anxiety, and since OCD is a form of anxiety, I thought I'd see if any of you out there suffer with anything similar.
The recent worsening of symptoms followed getting off most of my meds b/c was trying to get pregnant. I did so with consultation w/ both GYN and pdoc. My mood and functioning level plummeted. So, we're trying to get me stabilized now.
My current symptoms are:
- constant thoughts running through my head
- worrying about anything and everything - paper or plastic - pen or pencil - this page or that - Christianity or more general spirituality - chop vegetables on the side of the sink or by the stove - that my husband's bound to get frustrated, bored, tired of all my stuff [some of my worries have a logical origin and some are just goofy and aggravating - about stuff that really doesn't matter - I have so many though, it's hard to distinguish between which are worthy of further consideration and effort and which to trash....]
- great difficulty focusing at work or on anything significant short-term memory loss - can't learn new things near as quickly as normal, can't rely on myself to remember to do things or where I put something (difficulty focusing , forgetting and losing things aren't new for me - just worse)
- my pdoc has put me back on Dexedrine, a stimulant used for ADHD - at times I think it helps, but lately, I've been so anxious / nervous, that I wonder if it makes it worse. But without it I get so less effective and productive, which leads to such frustration with myself and really depressed thinking, so ?
- such decreased confidence that it's hard to do my job which requires a good bit of self-direction - I panic when I go to do tasks I've done multiple times - I blank out and can't seem to get my mind to cooperate and function. Makes me concerned about my judgement
- I am constantly writing notes / lists in a big notebook - but I can't seem to know what's important to write and end up writing so much stuff that it's hard to tell later on what I needed to know ['ve always written notes and lists, but it's ridiculous lately, and not so helpful any more. More like a compulsion.]
- To compose an email or even a post like this, it takes me far too long - I dont' know what is too much, and find myself wanting to explain way more than the setting really allows, to prevent any misunderstanding or unclear statements.
- In written and verbal communication, I start over multiple times. End up being redundant and incomplete and confusing
- Pretty often for over a month, I've had a yuck feeling in my upper stomach / low chest. Not a fullblown panic attack, but it's gotten close. More an almost constant sense of mental and physical dread and unrest. I get nauseous, shaky and weak
- Have repetetive thoughts - odd - i'll repeat a sequence of numbers or letters over and over and over until I have a headache from it.
- Have been waking betweem 3 and 4:30 am more often than not
- Shaking my legs rapidly - again, this isn't new, but much worse - I'm waking myself and my husband up doing this - It happens unpredictably throughout the day -
Anyone relate out there?
Thanks for your patience in reading all this.