Hello all. I am running into some trouble, and I came here looking for someone with the same kind of trouble...
My wife and I love each other very much, but we have been having problems for about 2 years now. She has powerful anxiety around certain stimulis. We live in a country foreign to both of us, where we met and have been for five years, her work is a looney bin full of workaholics, and she has issues with people that share her faith.
Needless to say, her reactions to the things around her are also an issue, and they have been troubling me since just before we got married. After two years of trying every nice thing I can do, I am at my ropes end. The day before she goes back to work, for instance, she tends to get highly anxious, until some mispoken word, or careless blip on my part sets her off into a self fulfilling prophecy of victimhood. I grew up in an abusive household, and I have seen this pattern many a time, but instead of physical violence, it ends up with emotional and verbal abuse, rings thrown around, eventual burnout, and lots of self-loathing and "I'm sorry" for a week, until her anxiety overwhelms her again, and then rinse and repeat.
These things go in cycles, and go from a weekly to a monthly to a daily basis, but the bottom line is that I want her to get help. She is Asian, and has some real prejudices about anything approaching the word crazy. I am tired of perpetuating this cycle though, and short of tearing up my life and moving to wherever it is she thinks everything will be ok, (already did that once,) right now I am stuck in a place were victimhood precludes her from the duty to try to change herself to make life easier.
At the risk of my marriage, I am considering somehow trying to force the issue. I just don't know what or how to do it. I have lots of books she can read from my past issues, and a psychologist she could use, but she basically refuses. Do I try an ultimatum? Do I try to bring in her parents or some friends to help? Do I just keep going through this week after week, and try to be patient, until she gets there on her own? I am lost and hopeful.