im maz. im 28. my panic attacks began at 10yrs of age. i went undiagnosed until 14, when i became agoraphobic and had a nervous breakdown. i had 3 months off school, in a constant state of panic. it was without a doubt the worst feeling in the world. i had a very negative experience with a pyschiatrist who overmedicated me and 14yrs later i have permanent damage to my central nervous system- twitches, tremors, urinary retention.
i have a multitude of physical health problems. this has compounded my Panic Disorder. I also have mild OCD and i suffer from trichotilimania (hair pulling) as well as PTSD. my first pyschiatrist told me from his stuffy leather chair that i was the youngest patient he had ever seen and was one of the most severe cases- he told me i would never live unmedicated. i found this totally disheartening, but 14 years later, ive been medicated every day since my first consultation with him.
i now have a female pyschiatrist who encourages self pity and wallowing, which i dont enjoy doing for an hour. i have had severe allergic reactions to meds- been hospitalised, hallucinations, major heart probs etc.'
i am a christian with a strong faith that God will see me through this. I was able to go to university and get a double degree. i am a full time high school teacher in a very difficult neighbourhood. im now on zoloft and xanax which generally manages the day to day panic and anxiety although i am quite agoraphobic still- i have a comfort zone that i dont enjoy leaving.
i have had abusive relationships that destroyed my self esteem. i used to be skinny and body confident. now i am overeight and bloated by medication. i feel ugly and depressed by what i see in the mirror.
i wont be a victim. for too many years i let this illness control and define me, but today i stand up and say "no more". I give this to God and i thankyou for your kind welcome, the sincerity and comaraderie that i feel here.
God bless all who suffer with all variations of this invisible illness. it takes a pretty strong person to cope with what we cope with- maybe there is a greater purpose?
thankyou for allowing me to be myself.
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, acid reflux, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood Disorder, Mild OCD.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14.