There's so much going on, alot of changes, a good opportunity and some bad, bad health issues with my father in law. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and afraid that I'll start to slide backwards again. First, my therapist and I had our last appointment about
a month ago. I knew it was coming and agreed that it was time, we'd been together for 3 years and had covered everything and I feel like I can take it from here...until my life started to spin around me. I guess I feel a little lost, like I've lost my anchor and am drifting aimlessly. I know I'll get used to the fact that she's not here anymore, and it's not like I can't call her if I need too, it's just that I don't have that stability of an appt. every two to three weeks.
Then I've been offered a chance to go back to school to get my certificate to do medical coding/billing, which I can do from home. I'm excited on one hand and terrified on the other. I haven't been in school in over twenty years and of course all I can think of is my lack of abilities, lack of study skills...all the what if's...what if I don't do well in school, what if I don't pass the certification test, what if I can't find a job, what if I royally screw up and get fired, what if I just can't handle it...oy!
The worst of it is that my father in law, who, since my father died 15 years ago, has been my "Dad", is having major health problems. He has been to about a dozen appts. and will have another on Wednesday morning. The doctors have found a growth in his pancreas and on Wed they will be doing a test to determine how much damage this growth has caused and as the doctor said...how much it has spread...now the words have not been said, but it sounds a lot like pancreatic cancer to me. My sister died of pancreatic cancer in May, so I do know alot about it. I'm just scared and sad that this is happening. Pancreatic cancer is one of the worst to have, it basically isn't curable, no matter how early it is found and the prognosis is about 6 months max. It's just so scary.
I guess I just need some encouragement, some kind words, a hug...anything to help me through this craziness right now. Thanks.