Is anyone else suffering from PTSD. ? I have been struggling so much lately with depression, flashbacks, nightmares.... it is all sooo overwhelming. The other day, after having a bit of respite from it all, a friend of mine raised his voice to me ( he suffers from anxiety , etc as well...and got anxious , became agitated and yelled at me for no real reason except that he was out of control)... I understand the feeling all too well....but boy did it set me back!!!!! I was sick all nite... my CD flared up, I had the shakes so bad, my heart was beating 100 miles a minute, couldn't breathe.... and all these terrible memories were popping back into my head. It was horrible.
I have devoted my whole life to protecting my brothers , sister, mom... and then my own children.... 45 years of fear.... I am 51 now... my children are doing well , 19 and 18 .... I find myself feeling so lonely at times... I had hope that I could find a friend... someone to share coffee with , go to a movie with from time to time.... I thought the friend that yelled at me could become someone significant in my life.... but now I realize that I will probably never be able to have a normal relationship with a partner.... I am sooo screwed up.... I don't know what normal is... Men terrify more than I knew.... I thought that if I was aware of my PTSD issues and knew the triggers Id be able to handle things ....but I was wrong.... now I feel even more lonely . I have beautiful daughters and a gorgeous grandaugther... I have wonderful women friends and I have this precious HW family.... but how I wish I could be normal and be able to have a partner to share my life with... maybe I'm suffering a bit of the empty nest syndrome.... I've been mother/protector my whole life and have lost myself in the process... now all I know of me... is that I am one big mess of hurt and fear. How do you learn to trust again.?