I am your classic, class A type Agoraphobic, almost textbook. My agoraphobia came on as a direct result of the severity of my panic as a child. i became extremely avoidant of public situations, had a nervous breakdown at 15 and didnt leave the house for 3months straight, other than to see my P-doc. i did my school work at home so i wouldnt get behind.
i still have a comfort zone that i dont like to breach, and certain environments trigger me- i love going to rock concerts, but they are always in the city, with 30,000 other people and i end up practising my breathing all through U2 or Pearl Jam cos I keep focusing on how far away i am from home, and what if i have a panic attack? you always fear the worst. i left home at 18 and moved 3 hours away- with medication my life with agoraphobia is more bearable but i cant say it has fixed it... it still holds me back from activities i know i would, should and COULD enjoy if i wasnt agoraphobic..
im going into the city tomorrow night- im looking forward to seeing my friends, but im dreading the crowds, the packed restaurant etc, i always fear i will wreck things for my friends. i was always the popular, extroverted life of the party, and that part of me has taken a huge blow as i tend to withdraw as a coping mechanism and avoid going out, therefore, seeing my friends less than i should. i work full time which is no easy feat, but my school is 10mins from home.
A part of me has a desire to travel- but i cant. i only go to NZ and back. i will never see the rest of the world IMHO it just wont happen. if going 1 hr into the city is an issue then overseas will be a major hurdle. i anticipate the worst all the time. i avoid public transport and feel more in control if i am driving, or if a close friend/family is behind the wheel.
I force myself to go out and try and face my fears head on, baby steps.
Agoraphobia is a prison of your soul. That is the best way i can describe it- it can rob you of any joy you may have once felt. but i fight it back because i dont want to feel caged forever.
p.s i have genuine arachnophobia- i can go into a cold faint with spiders, literally. i ALSO have the fear of falling that others have mentioned, and until now, thought i must be super weird- i see myself in my head, falling over, slipping, tumbling etc- im glad im not alone with that one!
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS, Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo, Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.