You sound much like me in that, I seem to search for reassurance and validation for nearly every aspect of my life. I question mostly everything. I do not have enough confidence in myself, therefore I look for others to boost me up (though, temporarily).
I need to be reassured nearly every day that I am not having a heart attack, or that I am not dying, etc. etc. etc. Yesterday, I had called three different people, because I was numb from a novacaine shot from the dentist's office, and I was almost positive that something had went wrong. I needed to hear over and over again that I was not going to die, that everything was going to be ok.
It is hard to need this kind of everyday-reassurance/validation. Whenever I try to rationalize something, I always have to run it by at least a few people, to make sure that I was making a sound choice/decision/conclusion. It's terrible.
I also suffer from an immense and overwhelming sense of guilt. I know what you mean when you say that you feel you are a 'bad person.' I believe it is because we have no sense of self-worth or respect. When we learn to love ourselves, we will no longer need to feel guilty of things we cannot control, or have the NEED for validation and reassurance from others. We will be able to find that within ourselves.
When someone is mad at me, I am also one to be very impulsive and keep 'pushing' them, which usually results in them being even angrier with me than from the start of the arguement. Try your hardest to give him a chance to cool down. I know it is hard, believe me. Try to distract yourself. Within a day or two, give him a call/text, explaining your condition and how you feel. Tell him that you do not mean to burden him with your disorder, but that right now you are just wanting some support. If he is a true friend, he will try his best to understand, or at the very least, sympathize, with your feelings.
thats exactly how i am. i try to convince myself over and over again that nothings wrong, but its like its not good enough until i hear it from someone else. about
a month ago, I made my mom bring me to the ER, bcos i felt like my heart was beating out of my chest, they ran every test and I was fine, I heard it straight out of the doctors mouth, yet still when i got home i asked my mom if i was okay and wasn't going to die. I stress about
everyone around me, my brother is 17, and a football player, everytime he gets hurt or isn't home when he's suppose to be i completely stress out, my mom doesn't even freak like that and she's his mom, but its like i can't even relax until, i know hes fine. i get into these modes where i can't even think straight.