anxiety over breakup 2

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 12/17/2008 8:57 PM (GMT -6)   
some of you might remember i posted a few weeks ago, asking for help because my boyfriend broke up with me and i was getting anxiety attacks because of it. well, i received some wonderful advice but things have turned out different. my ex now admits he's gay. the thing is, this should make things better for me, but i feel so hurt by this, so hurt i couldnt believe it was possible to feel this much pain over another person. he was my first love, but now what do i do with the memories of us happy together, knowing that they were a lie? breaking up with your first love hurts for everybody, but this has added so much extra complication. everybody is telling me to "just get over it". he hasnt even told me personally, he's announced it over the internet. he contacted me once after breaking up, asking to be friends, and i (not knowing at the time he was gay) simply said it was nothing personal, but i was just upset and needed some alone time. he told me he broke up with me because he had commitment issues, and now he's already got a partner, and i feel so horrible because i should be happy that he's found himself, yet i can't stand it that he's so happy now and i'm an emotional wreck. i'm trying so hard with the panic attacks, but my hurt feelings just won't let go. i want to move on, but i feel so strange about it all.

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/17/2008 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I don't have much words of wisdom, except for the fact that you have to move on for your own sake. Put your health and emotional well being on the top of your priority list right now.

There is no excuse for your ex's behavior. Even though he was obviously confused, he could have handled the situation with more taste than that. Try to realize that for him to show you no respect by speaking with you first about this serious situation, that he is not worth your time or tears. Move one. . . Don't look at it as a loss. . . See it as a bad habit kicked to the curb. You are better off without that kind of drama.

Maybe you should write him a letter and let out all the frustration you feel. Put your words in the best way possible so you don't compromise your intelligence or dignity, and either send it to him, or burn it up and let go. . .

I sure wish you the best and you are in my prayers :) I hope you continue to come on the A&P Forum to get the peer support that you need right now :)

Take care!!!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/17/2008 11:51 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello, and I am so sorry you are in pain.  You asked "but now what do i do with the memories of us happy together, knowing that they were a lie? "  When you were with him you were not a lie just like when you love anyone and lose them  The good times will still be the good times.

The outcome was not what you were expecting but  he obviously had a hard time deciding what he wanted.  I do not think he left you because he did not care for you but because he discovered his own sexuality calls for an alternative lifestyle.

I will give him low scores for the way he announced he is gay by posting on the internet, he owed you respect of confiding in you before others knew and I would start letting go and take care of you. You have done nothing wrong and hold your head up high.  You are destined for great things in your life.

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love.

Gentle Hugs



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 12/18/2008 8:01:28 AM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/18/2008 1:12 AM (GMT -6)   
stkitt said...

Hello, and I am so sorry you are in pain.  You asked "but now what do i do with the memories of us happy together, knowing that they were a lie? "  When you were with him you were not a lie just like when you love anyone and lose them  The good times will still good times.

i totally agree with Kitt- those memories werent lies, you can hold on to them. remember the good times. granted, he could have handled the break-up in a more mature way, but maybe you need to try and look at it from his point- he most likely went through a very difficult time in coming to terms with his sexuality- and maybe he was afraid of hurting you even more-

im sorry you are going through a rough patch, i am sorry as this must be so confusing, but please dont let it destroy any positive memories from your past- also-focus on the future.

Maz XX :-)

            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/18/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
(((SLEEPYZZ))) just wanted to add some hugs just for you. I am sorry your heart is hurting so badly right now. I will keep you in my prayers that God helps you move thru this difficult time.

Gail *Nanners*
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. Currently my Crohns is in remission.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 12/19/2008 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   
i'd like to thanks everyone who has posted, your kindness is very touching. the hardest thing is trying to deal with the good memories, everytime i remember us as a happy couplei get so sick with emotion that i want to throw up (this makes me panic even more because i have a fear of vomiting). And thats the weird thing, we seemed like a very happy couple, i never thought that he wasnt attracted to me. he is often very confused, and i wonder if this is just a teenage phase. maybe i'm trying to believe that because i can't bear the thought he never returned my affection, even though its well and truly over. i contacted him, and its made things slightly better. i am disappointed that he couldnt tell me in person, that i had to find out the way i did, but i do know that he is very upset about it all. again, thankyou all for posting, nanners, thanks for your hugs that is just lovely! maz, green grove and kitt, thankyou very much for your thoughts. i find this forum very comforting.

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/19/2008 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
You memories are real no matter what. I do think you should communicate with your ex and just let him know that you have a few questions about your life together as a couple/friends. Tell him that you love yourself and you would like to be able to have some closure so you can move on with your life towards your future. It is so hard to "know" what another person is thinking. . . A lot of times, people like us will assume the worst possible scenarios. This is called Scary/Warpy Thoughts that are not usually accurate and always overexaggerated in our minds. That is why good communication skills are very important for any type of relationship.

You are a strong woman. What you are feeling is valid and you have a right to be upset about this situation. Just don't let it consume you. Love yourself enough to demand your right to know the truth by being assertive (in a positive way of course:)

I wish you the best of luck! Keep you chin up and smile :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
Your bro,

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