I need some help here. Living with chronic pain and other chronic problems has been weighing heavy on me. I tried a therapist but I didn't really like him. I just needed someone to talk to that's not my husband (I feel like I putting all my problems on him and my family) Well after dealing with all this for 4 years my body is tired. I mentally can't deal with it any more. Then two weeks ago my grandmother died. Quite suddenly. I'm not coping well at all now. I couldn't go out to the funeral due to my health problems and that is adding to the guilt (even though I've talked to my grandfather often and he has told me many times that he know's I can't make the trip and not to worry about it.)
I had my annual gyn visit a few days after my grandmother died and she asked if I had any xanax, I said no, so she told me to go get some and see a therapist. The one she recommended cost $300 and doesn't take insurance. I got klonopin from my GP who also told me to talk to someone about it. Well the klonopin gave me depression (bad, almost suicidal but not quite) so I called them the next day and they gave me xanax. Well I took it twice and felt better, but now a few days later I'm needing it again but I'm at work so I can't take it.
I called around and any therapist taking new patients don't take my insurance and all cost well over $150 or more. I could go back to the guy i saw last year, but I'm not sure he'll help if I don't like him all that much.
I know this is somewhat acute anxiety due to very high stressors in my life right now. So I feel I don't need something forever, but I'm having real hard time right now and I'm not sure what to do. I only have to work today and tomorrow then I'm off for a week! I want to rest, but I also don't want to get bored and depressed.
I've tried meditating, visual imagery, nice relaxing hot baths, reading and watching funny movies, etc... Nothing seems to help. I'm just not sure what to do.