haunted by the past... what should i do?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 12/25/2008 12:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I used to have a chronic dissociative disorder, ive never been better and fully recovered and its been almost 2years, i suffered for just over two years. I have also been single for the last 2yrs of my great health, however before when i wasnt so great, i was in a relationship with a very abusive man not to mention my sever mental state at the time. It has been a very hard road back to recovery, and iam gratefull for every day i have not feeling the hell that i did. however now, i realise that i cant get involved with a guy without triggering how i felt before and somewhat feeling that state that i did. I hate it becasue i know im better and i want to move on and forget the past, because forgetting helps to be in the present. But i simply cant, i think of how it was and it literally gives me headaches and i start focusing on how i felt before which only makes things worse. So i push every guy away. Thing is im gratefull for the life i have and being given the opportunity and guidance to recover so i should just be happy with being on my own and raising my son, at least i dont have to deal with the uncomfortableness of it i just dont want to go back there, its worse than anything u could imagine, ive been through it all, going to court over custody, having panic attacks everyday, having some kind of ocd thing for the last 6months and each one of these on its own has been hell, but nothing compares to dissociation. NOTHING. and so should i just be happy and gratefull to live my life on my own with my good health? well its not perfact but when u compare it pretty much is. at least i know its safe. deep down, one day i would love to be passionatly in love with someone but id rather have my sanity to be honest. Im just in a sticky situation coz the guy ive been seeing lives next door, so im always anxious. i just wish this situation would go away coz i was doing just fine on my own untill he came along!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 12/25/2008 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel so clear headed these days and thinking back it was all just so messy and horrible. part of me wants to get through this to the other side, another part is yelling ur being ridiculous coz u are just friends with him so why are u making a big deal, but i guess there is a chemistry and something could happen so i guess its more fear of the possibility, and yeh another part saz close the door and just be happy with ur life now. Any opinions on this?

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/25/2008 3:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Emz84 :)

Nice to meet you and welcome to the A/P forum. It seems like you are going through a lot of issues and my first response would be are you doing something with your doc and/or therapist? Deep issues need to be dealt with professionally. The only advice I can give you is to keep you chin up and try to think positive about things. When it comes to relationships there are no set standards because everyone is different. You need to follow what you feel in you heart to deal with this :)

I wish you the best of luck and please have a Happy Holiday Season!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 12/25/2008 8:20 AM (GMT -6)   

I think a lot of us here have been through relationships that left us very damaged. It's hard to overcome the anxiety that considering a new relationship can bring. I do second Sam's advice of seeing a counselor to help you with this issue in general.

In regard to your current interest, I can only say that if it were me, the mere fact that he lives next door would make it even harder. That would bring up all those fears of "What if it goes really bad, like before? Then there's no escape, because he's a neighbor." I don't know if that's part of your anxiety.

Good luck.

Post Edited (percycat) : 12/25/2008 8:23:48 AM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/25/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   


Percy has a good point re this person living next door. I would talk this over with your therapist if you still have one.

I feel like you must have some PTSD sx from your abusive relationship in the past and I would like to suggest that you attempt to deal with those head on and that is where a professional could guide you.

Relationships take a lot of time and energy to maintain. Go very slow and do not  push yourself into something you feel you should do. You may feel lonely at the time, but it's not smart to fill that loneliness with another man right away.  REading back over your post you need to make sure you are healed and if you do date, keep it casual until your sure you are comfortable.

My heart goes out to you but I am so glad you have come so very far.

Merry Christmas



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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Focus on the future, find ways to make goals and see that you achieve them. get regular counselling to deal with the issues of the past, but remember that the past is exactly that, and each new day is a clean slate, an opportunity for you to move forward and move on.

Take care and keep in touch, dont give up and dont give in,

Maz XX

            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
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Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I am going to share a saying I saw once that might be of help to you. It is "You can't move forward if you are constantly looking in the rearview mirror". I don't know why but that has stayed with me since I first saw it, and when I worry about old things, I remember that saying again. Hope that helps.
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. Currently my Crohns is in remission.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 12/26/2008 7:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your replies. I think i have healed enough with the abusive ex, ive taken alot of time out by myself, ive learned to forgive him instead of be angry with him therefore i think my stress from that has gone. I think its more just not liking the feelings that are brought up related to my past illness although its in the past its hard not to think of it. The fact that he lives next door, yes makes me feel more claustrophobic, he is a nice guy though theres no way he would be like the other guys i have known, im very picky with who i let in now. I guess it is hard though becasue if i want to take things slow or if im having a bad time with my anxiety and need some space i cant really get away from him without him knowing im ignoring him, as he knows when im home and when im not and vice versa we can see each others bedroom window and our cars parked from each others place, in some ways it could be convineint, but my heart tells me, dont settle, theres more adventure to come. although he is hot as and there is chemistry that could burn anything my heart says not yet. I think coz im so devoted to my son aswell i dont really wanna give that up just yet. Maybe a passionate affair with him might be all id want but i dont think i wanna risk going down that road, knowing me ill just fall in love him. haha. I agree with solving my problems that i do have but having goals for the future and keep moving foward. thank u.
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