Max out Anxiety situation..please help

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/31/2008 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
After much meditation and consulting a professional counselor and 28 years of a mostly unhappy marriage, I told my wife tonight I wanted a divorce. She has known that I have been meditating and thinking on a divorce and seeing a counselor about divorce for a month. My wife drank heavily, started out crying, said she hates me and every emotion in between. She said that I will be responsible for my son failing in drug rehab and that my kids will hate me for years. Even though I told her that I have been emotionally hurting badly for years due to her not being there for me (she was stone cold when I called her during a panic attack while driving during September and said "what do you want me to do about it?" wife said tonight that she was under stress from my son's drug problem that day)...I am so torn up and feel like I am a worthless piece of you know what when she hammers home that I am destroying my son's chance of succeeding ind rug rehab. She said"You couldn;t have picked a worse time to do this.' I first found out about my son's drug problem in spring 2006 and delayed and delayed this dreadful moment since then..Things I remember my wife saying in four hours of her raking me over the coals for this selfish act..that her friend Susan was right about me that I would desert the family in time of need ..even though I said I would consider living with her a few more months pending divorce for my son's sake but she hates me and said I really hate her or I wouldn;t be doing this..but I have been so unhappy for so long and she said it was wrong for me to have dinners and talks with her this month and then do this...oooohhh..i am hurting so so much...please any words of encouragement or anything to help me deal with this feeling of worthlessness and cry

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 12/31/2008 8:22 AM (GMT -6)   
   I wish I had your courage, I am married to a man that is like your wife for 10 years, a few times when I had a panic attack he told me terrible things, once he told me what you want me to do about it kiss your feet, another time he pulled up to the garage as fast as he could almost hitting it and said here you cant walk a damm 10 feet. He went in for a right leg amputation last Jan and I was there for him the whole 3 months, you would think that would of changed him, well it didnt, he wheels around here in his power chair and I do everything for him, If I had the finacial means to make it on my own I would be gone so fast but I dont I am stuck there is no where to turn or no where to go, some days I just sit and cry. So I feel your pain and I wish you all the luck in the world with your new life.Dont let anyone make you feel like everything is your fault, I know cause that is how I feel, Good Luck and God Bless.
 Hugs Anna
Help Me Lord To Be All I Can Be And To Take One Day At A Time

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:19 AM (GMT -6)   


I am sorry that your marriage is in dire straights.  Hav eyou gone to counseling for you.  I feel that would be a good thing to consider as you are not a worthless person and you need help it learning how to deal with your feelings and plans for your future.

One thing that is very important in dealing with the anxiety and  depression brought on by divorce is do not be afraid to talk as your feelings do need to come out.

It is natural to feel conflicting emotions at this time after all you were in love at one time with your  spouse and so it is natural to feel abandonment, hate, love all at the same time.

You have all of us here to support you so know we care and keep talking to us.




Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/31/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Anxiety-Buster,

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through. You have had so much great advice already that I don't know what to say except hopefully you will be able to make the transition with as much peace as possible. Living with that kind of nightmare is not good for you or your anxiety and could bring on so many more health problems in time.

Don't feel worthless either! You have a great bunch of people on here to talk things out if needed :)

Take care of yourself.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro. . .Sam :)
Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
What wonderful friends I have at this website! Just Breath this morning my 2 daughters in their early 20's came over to the house since they were called by my wife. One of them commented that she only remembered one year after we had separated for a couple months ( mid 2003-mid 2004) when we were happy and all she remembered otherwise is an unhappy 25 years plus marriage. What a shock to me. You were so right. I have put a deposit on a studio apartment close by and will be moving in probably Friday. This is lowering my anxiety. Also I had a neurofeedback session which helps me a great deal with anxiety especially since I am drug free. No doubt there will be more ups and downs with anxiety before this chapter of my life closes. However I am blesssed with wonderful friends here at which helps so much.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Anxiety-Buster I am so sorry you are having to go thru this hard time in your life. I hope and pray that maybe someday you and your wife are able to be friends again. I can tell you that having gone thru a acrimonious divorce many years ago, that there are going to be many ups and downs. Keep your pride about yourself, and remember that you are a good person, not the person she wants to make you think you are. I will keep you in my prayers, stay strong.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Anxiety-buster, I'm glad you're feeling better today. My mother stayed married to my father for us kids. I remember her unhappiness and then there were big issues between my father and me. I told myself I would never stay married for my children. But then a close call with a divorce this year changed my mind. To see the tears streaming down my 12 year old's face broke my heart. Thank God we were able to work out our differences. But I know sometimes you can't do that. I wish you the very best!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:04 PM (GMT -6)   
P.S. Anxiety-buster, go to counseling. Even though the divorce was initiated by you, you may have anger, doubts, etc. that will be carried with you into other relationships. Take care! Carol

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 1/1/2009 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
First, I am so sorry that you are going thru this....divorce is never easy.

I do agree with the other posts that counseling is in order. Also, if your wife is/was an alcoholic, an alanon meeting might help. There are lots of folks there that can help.

You are in my prayers -
35 year old female (newly married) - Diagnosed w/Crohn's 2002 - Surgery 2004

Currently taking: Pentasa, Entocort, Imuran, Zoloft, Seroquel & Ativan as needed

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