My anxiety and panic comes from getting up in the morning and feeling I have no purpose and I have been this way for 3 years now, ever since I lost my daily purpose of going to work.
I also have a difficult time dealing with what others think of me, if I say something and people take it wrong and I start getting criticized I take it to heart and feel like I have again given people one more reason to push me away. I always try to please people so they like me but I fail miserably and assume it is my fault. Yes I am sensitive by nature and I am working on it with the CBT Moodgym but I wish others could understand that A & P and Depression are deadly diseases just as much as diabetes, and cancers. The pain in your mind freezes you in one spot, you don't know what to do. You feel like you don't belong here. Your mind is frozen. And you are so afraid.
People with diabetes need friends who understand their disease and not be judge because of their illness. I find I am afraid to say how I feel as people will judge me and not want to be around me. That is what happened when I told people I had depression, they did not want to be around someone who is sad. How can you not be sad when no one is there for you. My own daughter told me she wants to be with happy people.
What do I do, well I spend time here trying to help others break out of their anxiety and depression. I am trying to get a part time job.
If I could I would go west to visit my son more. I have spent a lot of time at the Cancer center with my sister and I pray for all the people there.
If you met me in person, you would never know I was a person with depression. I truly like to talk to people and I visit with the cancer patients and really listen to what they have to say...............I understand their tests and their pain and I try to take home with me that I must accept who I am and not let others comments dictate who or what I am.
Tommorow is January 1st, 2009.............I am going to be me. I am going to accept who I am and I am going to get mad and fight back when my anxiety and low self esteem try to sneak in. I am going to remember I am a good person.
And yes I am going to continue to help others as if I just sit here and take care of me, I am lost. I need to be useful.
I will keep this goal and give myself permission to be human.
I hope each of you can do the same.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depressionhttps://www.healingwell.com/donate *~* Not a mental health professional of any kindIt is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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