One big ball of nerves

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/5/2009 1:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone~
I recently posted on the depression forum and was advised to come here. This is what I wrote over there -
This is my first post to this forum. Here is a little background first. I am a 36 yr old female, married and mom to 2 kids (9 and 6). I have a great family. A supportive husband. I have been off and on anti depressants over the years, mainly because I have felt irritable and cranky for no reason. I have taken Prozac, Lexapro and Zoloft. I think of the 3, I did the best on Lexapro but I did gain quite a bit of weight. I not currently taking anything.
November was a very stressful month. I was sick, kids were sick, husband was in car accident. Thankfully he was not seriously injured, but after having a CAT scan in the ER a brain tumor was found (benign). I did not take the news well at all, even though it was not the worst news one can get. The thought he might need to have surgery and then the thought I could lose him is almost too much to bear.
On the outside I appear *somewhat* okay. But I am struggling.  This is hard to admit, but I tend to think the worst about everything. I worry about things that are out of my control (dying and leaving my kids motherless, losing a loved one, etc ...).
I have not been feeling all that well the last month or so. The only way I can explain it is I feel like I am getting sick, but nothing ever progresses. I have this dizzy feeling in my head. Not the room spinning dizzy, just an odd fuzzy/dizzy feeling. Some days my body feels achy. My lower back has been bothering me ... very stiff and uncomfortable. I have actually had the back thing for a long time, but lately it is worse. I have been dealing with this ache in my knee/lower leg that comes and goes (since June). I also (geesh the list seems endless) have nausea more than I care to deal with. I have been diagnosed with IBS.
I am terrified to go to the dr. (even though in summer of 2007 I had a sonogram of my abdomen, colonoscopy, endoscopy and blood work, all of which can back fine) I keep thinking they will find something that I won't want to hear. My husband thinks I am suffering from depression, yet I question that. Can others see what I cannot? I don't feel overly sad. I do feel down, but I just thought it was from my not feeling well.
So, I turn to you all for help. I guess I just wanted to run this by others who have been there. Are my symptoms a result of depression? Am I depressed and in denial? Please give me your thoughts.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 1/5/2009 2:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to Healing Well :) and to the A/P forum!
I'm sorry to hear all that has gone haywire with you swtpeach.
To be quite frank, I worry about my fiance dieing or that my baby is even dead in the mornings if she doesn't wake up before me.  I will wait and wait and minutes seem like hours and I swear I'm too afraid to check on her, and i make her a bottle.  Luckily she awakes within minutes of these wretched thoughts.
Can't help the way I think.
I'm dizzy a lot and achy.  My lower back hurts most of the time as well.  I think it's because we just knot the stress up and don't release it (stress being our panic and worries), and then we feel actual physical pain from the psychological discomfort.
They have yet to diagnose me with IBS as I don't quite fit the mold, but I have constant stomach pain and stabbing pains in my abdomen.  As well I have severe heartburn and indigestion.
I'm on Lexapro right now as well as Ativan.  Lexapro has made me gain A LOT of weight. Have you lost the weight since getting off of it?  I want to get off of it because I'm just panicky, not depressed.
I'm addicted to going to the doc.  i'll admit it.  I want to know what's wrong! But no one knows.  :(
It seems to me you are very anxious.  I'd like to know how you feel when you worry, what sort of feelings and physical symptoms pass through you.
I'm not anxious, but I have been in the past.  I most am just panicky.  The adrenaline rush at the most calm of times.  "Fight or Flight" I suppose.  :)  It's genetic so I don't know if there is much that i can do.
I feel down a lot, but not depressed.  I just get anxious and panicky and worry a lot.
Sorry to hear about your husband deary.
Tell me more about ya! We can all try and help!
~Mama to a 6 month old lil' lady
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG - 2 mgs a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 1/5/2009 2:32 AM (GMT -6)   

  Hi swepeach,

  Welcome to the A/P forum

  Well you sure got a lot going on in your life right now and it sounds a lot like you suffer from anxiety/depression have you ever tried any CBT Therapy and try to learn how to relax your body's muscles as well as relearning how too breath by not using your chest muscles but those of your stomach muscles This method is called Diaphragmatic Breathing in witch we are all born with and as life changes (like that of stress) we tend too use are chest muscles putting more tension on other parts of are body like the muscles in the back and neck so if your chest is rising up and down and your stomach muscles are tense as well as your back you may try this 

  Now stand up and breath like you are doing now if your chest is doing all the work you need to try and relax and use your stomach muscles to breath right and deep breathing to bring in more oxygen into your body as short fast breathing you are not getting the oxygen needed to help you too relax. I hope this helps you with all you are going though I know it's not a fix all for you and I'm not a doctor so please have a talk with your doctor about deep breathing techniques and if so you my ask him/her about trying some fast acting meds from your doctor

  Others will be on and give there input as well, as we all deal with ways of coping to relaxing

   Cowboy up

   Forum Moderator A/P
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
  Help Healing Well grow as your donations are greatly appreciated @

  Anxiety/Panic, CFS, CNS damage, MCS, Diabetes type 2, RLS, DDD, CP, Fibro, and still a limbo lander of other things and gettin tested all to time by neruo

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/5/2009 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Swtpeach and welcome to the A & P forum.  I am glad you posted here and we will help you the best we can.

Just some technical info for you that might help you understand A & P better.  :-)

Anxiety versus Panic

The terms anxiety attack and panic attack are often used interchangeably to mean the same thing. In this sense, the difference is purely a matter of semantics. But from a clinical perspective, panic and anxiety are defined by different features.

The differences between panic and anxiety are best described in terms of the intensity of the symptoms and length of time the predominant symptoms occur.

Panic Attack

During a panic attack, the symptoms are sudden and extremely intense. These symptoms usually occur “out of the blue,” peak within 10 minutes and then subside. However, some attacks may last longer or may occur in succession, making it difficult to determine when one attack ends and another begins.


Anxiety, on the other hand, generally intensifies over a period of time and is highly correlated to excessive worry. The symptoms of anxiety are very similar to the symptoms of panic attacks and may include:

Another important distinction is that, unlike a panic attack, the symptoms of anxiety may be persistent and very long lasting -- days, weeks or even months. 


Please do try the meditation:

Choose a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed by other people or by the telephone.Sit quietly in a comfortable position.

Eliminate distractions and interruptions during the period you'll be meditating.

Commit yourself to a specific length of time and try to stick to it.

Pick a focus word or short phrase that's firmly rooted in your personal belief system. A non-religious person might choose a neutral word like one, peace, or love. Others might use the opening words of a favorite prayer from their religion such as 'Hail Mary full of Grace', "I surrender all to you", "Hallelujah", "Om", etc.

Close your eyes. This makes it easy to concentrate.

Relax your muscles sequentially from head to feet. This helps to break the connection between stressful thoughts and a tense body.

Starting with your forehead, become aware of tension as you breathe in. Let go of any obvious tension as you breathe out. Go through the rest of your body in this way, proceeding down through your eyes, jaws, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, upper back, middle back and midriff, lower back, belly, pelvis, buttocks, thighs, calves, and feet.

Breathe slowly and naturally, repeating your focus word or phrase silently as you exhale.

Assume a passive attitude. Don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say, "Oh, well," and gently return to the repetition.

Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. You may open your eyes to check the time, but do not use an alarm. After you finish: Sit quietly for a minute or so, at first with your eyes closed and later with your eyes open. Do not stand for one or two minutes.

Plan for a session once or twice a day.

I hope this helps you :-) . Give it a week and see how you feel. You can do this.


  Thanks kitt I was up late and way to tired and thanks again for clarifying this in more detail

  Cowboy up


Post Edited By Moderator (freezinginAK) : 1/5/2009 12:08:09 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 1/5/2009 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
You have certainly been through alot recently and that does cause a great amount of stress, and from what you've said, it does sound like you do have some problems with anxiety.  I don't have depression, so don't feel comfortable speaking on that topic.  Anxiety can cause alot of physical symptoms including all of the ones you mentioned.  In my opinion you need to find a good doctor or therapist who deals in anxiety/depression and get a proper diagnosis before you can move forward with meds or therapy treatment.  You've gotten some really good advice here on using cbt to help you get started.  There are some good medications out there to help with both, it sometimes just a matter of finding the one that works best for you. 
I kind of understand what you are going through as when the p/a started for me I was diagnosed with depression and kept telling everyone that I wasn't depressed that I was scared all the time.  It was over 19 years ago and I don't think that doctors knew as much about p/a then as they do now.  I feel I was misdiagnosed and not treated for the right thing for years.  Once I got on the right track, I did make some forward progress. 
Keep posting here, the support is amazing and it may help you to hear that others are going through the same things you are. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/5/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
One thing I've learned from reading the posts on this forum, is that symptoms vary. With anxiety and depression, you can feel pain, aches, strange feelings anywhere. As the mods mentioned, breathing properly and meditation help a lot. I would also find some enjoyable things to do, go for walks and change any negative thoughts into positive ones. Your husband will be just fine. The car accident made it possible to find the benign tumor and now something can be done about it. That's actually good news.

November has passed and the holidays, too. Take a sigh of relief and know that you'll feel better soon.

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/5/2009 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Swtpeach.

Nice to meet you. You have already received so much great advice it helped me out too :) I just want to say hello and welcome to the A/P Forum. Stick with the best Peer Support Group on the internet and be sure to check out all of our great resources here on HW too :)
Take care and have a wonderful day! . . . Your Bro . . . Sam
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/5/2009 11:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for the great recommendations. I have an appt with my dr tomorrow and hopefully will be on my way to feeling better. I have a history of feeling down, especially during the winter. I also know that I do have tons of anxiety, health anxiety being one of them.

I think the only time I had a panic attack was before my endoscopy. I have this fear of things going down my throat (aside from food and drink! I generally have no problem with eating!) and the thought of a tube going down my throat was more than I could bear, even though I was going to be in a twilight sleep. My heart rate soared to over 160 and had rapid breathing. It was not pretty. I am sure the dr and nurses thought I was a nut case!

I am very grateful for these forums and the people on them. It is good to know you are not alone in this. Thanks!

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/6/2009 8:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, I lost all the weight after getting off Lexapro. I think it took me about 6-8 months.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/6/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi swtpecah,

Welcome to A/P forum. You can see you are not alone in these thoughts and feelings!!! I'm so glad you have joined us. When I had my first endoscopy I was a mess, they couldn't anesthetise me properly because I was so scared my veins all went AWOL..They had to get in a specialist to sedate me! Boy did I feel like a wally...

Stay with us k?


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor

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