Sam, we understand, we have all been there and you have every right to get it out of your system and start to try and put the pieces together. I dont think taking AD's is a bad thing. There are times when you simply need them. it doesnt have to be long term- you would need to sort that with your doc of course, but there is no shame in getting help from meds. i know its an uphill battle, and being in physical pain does not help emotional issues either.
dont beat yourself up about smoking and slipping with your therapy- just make a decision to get back into the therapy as soon as you are able, and cut back on the smokes when you are ready. i know you said that AD's have made it worse in the past- maybe your Pdoc could fill you in on newer meds with less side effects?
Anyway, we are all here for you, and you rant all you need too. take care, you're in my prayers,
Maz XX L.A.S
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo, Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.