Since many are experiencing some anxiety about posting with their problems to our A/P Peer Support Group, I thought I would start out with one of my major malfunctions, lol :) I'm definitely not shy about asking for help or saying what I feel as you all well know. . . I love and respect all the great advice I get here from my family and would not be the man I am today without you all!
Tomorrow (Friday) I am seeing a new doctor and am feeling pretty anxious about it. I know part of the anxiety is caused by just the excitement of the new possiblilities that this professional may bring into my life. . . But another part of it is my agoraphobia setting in. You know how it goes. . . You get into the new place and have to sit there and write down your entire medical history. . . There are tons of sick people around you, and then getting to meet the new doc and nurses that try to make you feel comfortable, but you are still stuck in a tiny room for at least 30 minutes after waiting a couple of hours in the main reception area :) I am nervous and really trying to stay in the moment right now. . . I was raised in a very small country community that sported several "old fashioned" docs when I was younger that were very informal and just wonderful men that I admire still. These docs are now retired or gone from us now and the newer medical graduates make me feel weird. I've been searching for many years for the right fit, and now I have had to settle for what I consider "second best." As a nurse I'm not completely ignorant of how things run and the kickbacks that many physicians receive from the pharmaceutical companies for prescribing the newer drugs out there, so I am scared that I am going to be cornered a bit on taking stuff that I don't want, because I've been the guinea pig for many pharmaceuticals over the years with not so good results. I am very proactive with my health and research the meds suggested now after some bad experiences, but that does not go over too well with the docs at times. I think I make them feel inadequate in their capacity as my caregiver and that does not build a very good working relationship. . . Maybe I'm just crazy and too independent. . . I'm afraid that I'll never find a physician that lives up to my standards and at this point in my life that is becoming an option that I don't want, but then again I'm not going to let anyone on this earth tell me to do something that I know is dangerous for my well being.
Am I crazy about the way I feel, or do you all think I'm out of line and I should leave it to those that have more education than I do? Am I too demanding and expecting too much of a "fairytale" that does not exist? Am I an overbearing person that puts others ill at ease? Please don't worry about hurting my feelings in answering this, because my BEST friends don't sugar coat anything and tell me like it is. . . I would be more hurt by someone I consider a friend that didn't feel like they could just speak to me honestly from their hearts. I'm just a simple man that deals with many issues like all of you great people.
Anyway, I've bumped my benzos to make sure I can take one at least two hours before I go in for my appt. since the peak plasma level is usually about that amount of time. I will also be taking my portable CD walkman with me to listen to Lucinda's soothing voice on my relaxation disc :) I'll also take a book with me so I can tune out the many voices of the other patients. . . Might be cool though, because in our small burg a lot of us are either related or friends, so I might run into a kindred spirit tomorrow and start gabbing away like I usually do which makes the time fly :)
Love you all and thank you for spending your valuable time by reading this :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Today is the perfect day to set the wheels in motion for your recovery."
~J. Samuel Tipton~
Not a professional. Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
Post Edited (Green Grove) : 2/5/2009 9:31:04 PM (GMT-7)