It hurts me. It reminds me how single and alone i am. i have more friends than i can count, but ever since i gained weight so rapidly, ive had no male interest. i feel ugly and fat and awful. I try to not let it get to me, but days like this are a harsh reminder that my life hasnt gone as planned.
I used to love valentines day, because when i was younger (and thinner) i was always in a long term relationship and would enjoy the day. I for sure thought id be married with kids by now- and then the surgeon tells me i cant have children. so i grieved for that and moved on, hoping to find a decent guy. all my exes have been great at the start and abusive in the end. i have poor judgement, but i have resolved to never again compromise my beliefs or who i am, in order to get a guy.
I think its sad that just because i got overweight, im not worthy of real love? im always the 'life of the party' the extrovert, the confident girl, but on the inside im breaking. I feel my opportunities for lasting happiness- in marriage, are fading fast. i will be 29 in may, 30 next year, and what do i have to show for it? i have amazing male friends and im popular (please dont think me arrogant) but as much as i have great male friends, i feel they all view me as 'big cuddly Maz'- a great mate, not a girl who wants to settle down.
My physical illness is a burden in relationships- strangely AP has not ever been an issue. but my poor physical health has put a huge strain on relationships. its unfair and it hurts. i just want a decent, God fearing man to share my life with..
is that too much to ask? it seems so
p.s i wish the rest of you a great valentines day and hope you are spoiled rotten by your partners- you all deserve it! XX
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo, Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.