Pretty upset right now. I have hypochondria. I'm 23 years old, male, former military.
It runs my life, and ruins everything. I suffer from General Anxiety disorder, hypochondria, obsessive compulsive, major depressive disorder, and I apparantly have a skewed perception of reality and perception checking problems - according to my psychologist.
I'm overall very healthy. I've been smoking, however, for a year and a half now, although today I bought the gum, and I'm quitting. I suppose you know... us hypochondriacs go through every phase of disorders. I've been through the AIDs panic, started at 13 (lost virginity at 19). Been through cancers, hepatitis, MS, etc, etc. I'm losing it guys. I ... I have no one in my family who cares anymore. I lost my job and my health insurance. No VA coverage because I had some army problems, whatever.
Last year, one day I was taking a shower and I was rubbing my armpit and I felt a lump. I went to the doctor and he said it was too small to biopsy, and lymph nodes sometimes just get hard/clogged. So over the last year my armpits would start to get sore sometimes. Like, it was always my right armpit. It would feel achy, kina radiate to my shoulder blade and my pec muscle. But, I duno... recently I got bit by a spider on my leg, and then I looked under my armpit the next day and there was a bigger lymph node (2 weeks ago, still swollen). Plus recently my left armpit kina aches, too. It feels like my nerves or something. It's not bone, but I also think it feels like right below my skin, like if my deodarant was causing it.
I also think it could be me smoking. It seems like whenever I smoke, I will feel the pain after for a while. I smoke like a pack a day.(Quiting tomorrow though). I duno, I have no insurance anymore, I think I could have lymphoma. I duno. I'm sorry, I usually am a very good writer, but right now I'm emotionless, and I don't care. I never get sick though. Never throw up, dont remember the last time I had diareha, or a fever, or a cold. It's just, my armpits have hurt for about a year now... and I think I feel a hard lymph node in my back under my rib cage. I duno guys... I know no one here are doctors. I'm afraid of even seeing one, he might just tell me I have what I fear the most. Plus, I have no money, no insurance, no will left to even fight. Kina feel like, if I do have cancer or whatever, it's been a good run - might just take what I can get and try to be happy. I duno, anyone... any insight? Thank you.