Thankyou ALL so much- old friends and new.
I cant go on disabilty- not because im not sick enough, i am, but because i could not survive financially on disability. it isnt enough to get by with because i created my own problem with credit card debt. I have 2 credit cards and a small personal loan to pay off, as well as medical/phone /water/ electricity/internet bills etc that i would not be able to cover unless i worked full time. Its not a matter of pride, ive been on disability before, back in 2000: too sick to study, too sick to work. Its purely financial at the moment.
I am not sure why my principal has chosen now to take this approach, but i am extremely unwell. I have lived my life as a sick person. i fought the odds and went and got a double degree and busted my butt at university and then again with my career choice- I have just worked a 5 day week, the second one in a row.
I am on oral antiobotics (triple dose), anti-inflammatories, painkillers etc on top of my usual meds just to get one foot infront of the other.
As i am on a temporary-permanent payroll, i dont have the same rights as someone who is employed in a 'permanent' position (ive been covering the same maternity leave position for nearly 4 years now, hence my TEMP/perm status.) It doesnt change the fact that im being blackmailed, it just means i have far less options than some of my colleagues. As i said, im under no illusions about time i have had off in the past- but i am always careful. i scheduled and put off my last surgery to fit in with school holidays so i wouldnt need time off work. that meant ruining my holidays and delaying surgery i needed. i did this because i dont want to let my students and colleagues down.
i cannot afford not to work, but if i need a sick day, then i need it! i didnt choose this lot in life, it is what i have been dealt and i try and accomodate it as best as i can. but i am so frustrated, i went to work with a sinus migraine today which just got progressively worse... i had to prop myself up at my desk, but i did it.
In the current economic climate, i cant afford to lose work, but im damaging my body further and im aware of it. i am rarely, if EVER relaxed. im always switched on. its taking its toll. yes, im overwhelmed and a little daunted and im angry as hell as well. im tired of pretending its all ok, that IM ok, cause im not. im exhausted, shattered, wasted. im in pain. im in an unhappy place, but am making the best of a very difficult situation.
im only 28, but my medical history looks like it belongs to a sickly, elderly person. im not depressed, i am stressed. i eat to comfort myself, which then makes me more stressed.
enough of me whining- i just feel ive given until ive got nothing left to give-
Thankyou for your words of comfort and encouragement and advice- much love always guys, you know my HW family rock!
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo, Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.